temporary fix || george harrison

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THE REST of the journey was silent, save for a few bated breaths and the clicking of nervous jaws. The lush green of the English countryside would've been beautiful to watch through the window of a moving car on any other given day. I'd soon come to associate that visual with the twisting and turning of my stomach. I knew I'd never be able to see my own country the same as I had before. Before this whole mess with Kronos taking George even occurred, I could never view the various sights and locales of England without thinking of him.

Without feeling the weight of his hand gently pulling at my own. Without smelling his scent lingering on all of my clothes, no matter if I'd washed them the night before. Without hearing his adorable burst of laughter at seemingly random moments. He was forever engrained into me, forever apart of the very fabric of my soul. I'd never be able to understand love, peace, or belonging without him ever again. 

A part of me was actually accepting of that sentiment, accepting of the fact that even though I'd have to force myself through the brutality of a 50 year separation from my true love, I'd still have a trove of memories and the phantom passings of the touches, the kisses, and the love that we cultivated between us. It would never be enough but I could resign myself to the barely fulfilling embrace of a memory. He would always be my epic love, even if nary a soul could reciprocate in my understanding. Or my grief.

But the greater part of me lashed out against the alleged right choice that I needed to make. I feared that if George just even murmured against my ear to stay, I'd throw Ringo's ring onto the floor and crush it beneath my foot with own swift and fate-sealing stomp. I'd save my friends from fatal mistakes, and save my lover. What if that was the point of me being sent here? The true penultimate point was to save George and John all along? 

I had to reserve some hope otherwise, I knew I'd be overcome by a wave of my own self-doubt, my own fear. Despite the love I held so deeply in my heart for George, I couldn't stave away the oppressive feelings of dread and doom that hung over me. I had to label them irrational in my mind, and ignore the constant black pit of foreboding that haunted my thoughts. No one was getting hurt. I wasn't going to die, George wasn't going to meet a fate worse than he ever deserved. I kept repeating those words in my head like a mantra, yet my heart felt less than convinced of them.

It was almost hilariously poignant that time began to feel as if it were slowing down the second we pulled up to our destination. Paul barely gave everyone in the car a second to spare as we all leapt out onto the sidewalk with loud exhales of minor relief- we made it. It only took a few agonizing hours but we were here- I was here. The motor squealed to a halt and bumped over the curb, one wheel precariously angled over it as the other three remained on the asphalt. Just another nod to our frenzied state.

I'm coming for you George. I'm here.

I couldn't hear a single thing aside from the pounding of my heart in my chest and the rapid sound of my breathing in my ears as I ran with all of the speed in the world towards the front door. I sensed the boys following behind me in the same measure of panic, all of them most likely shouting various things at me, none of it reaching my ears.

Slowly developing tunnel vision, I clawed at the doorknob and pulled at it with surprisingly steady hands, screaming once I realized the horror of it being locked. Why would a god need to lock the door? He was what went bump in the night. 

I couldn't hear my own screams but I could feel them rip through the very base of me, John pushing me aside roughly and raising his hackles to kick down the door with every ounce of strength he could muster. I flicked my eyes up to his determined face, his features set hard as I noticed his cheeks flaring red with exertion. The door proved to be indeterminably strong, so in an instant, Paul and Ringo joined John in his mission to break this door open.