Best Friends

Well What If...

OWENS POV
I scrubbed out of surgery was work and went to go look for Amelia. This morning I had to leave early because of a trauma in the ER, so I didn't get to see her that much this morning.
"Hey have you seen Amelia?" Meredith asked.
"Uh no I was just gonna text her why?" I asked.
"Well she didn't come into work today," Meredith said, "is she okay? Bailey said she called in sick?"
"I left this morning early I couldn't really talk to her, she's started morning sickness maybe it's that? I'm gonna run home quick and check on her," I said.
"Let me know she's okay?" Meredith said.
"Will do," I nodded. I grabbed my keys and drove home. Amelias car was still in the driveway so I figured she probably just didn't feel good this morning. I opened the door and the house was super quiet.
"Ames?" I asked. I walked upstairs and opened our bedroom door and she was laying in bed.
"Amelia?" I asked softly. I knelt down next to her and she was sobbing.
"Ames what's wrong?" I asked. It broke my heart seeing her this upset. I didn't know what was bothering her and I didn't know what to do.
"Don't you have work?" She managed to get out in between sobs.
"I was looking for you after my surgery, Meredith said you called out sick so I went to check on you," I said and ran my fingers through her hair, "do you want to talk?"
"I'm going to be a bad mother," she said.
"What? Amelia that's not true at all why do you think that?" I asked. I got up and sat down next to her and she remained facing the wall.
"Today my son is 8 and he's not here," she cried, "he's not here because I was a horrible mother. I couldn't even make Christopher healthy, I couldn't protect him from anything in this world. Why would it be any different with our baby? What if that was just the universe telling me I shouldn't have been a mother and now I'm forcing it?" My heart broke hearing her say this. She couldn't possibly think this could she? She wouldn't be a bad mother at all.
"Ames you weren't a bad mother to Christopher," I said, and I knew it pained her that today was his birthday, "you weren't. You held him for the 43 minutes of his life. You protected him then. You let him feel loved. You weren't a bad mother."
"He's supposed to be in second grade running around the house learning how to properly write sentences or do math," she cried, "he's supposed to be here." I wrapped my arms around her as she cried into me. I rubbed her back as she sobbed.
"I miss him so much," she cried.
"I know you do," I said.
"What if this time isn't different? What if I'm still a bad mom?" She asked.
"Amelia," I frowned and kissed her forehead, "I don't think you'll be a bad mom."
"I want to be a good mom so badly but I feel like I can't," she said.
"Ames," I frowned and kissed her forehead, "you won't be. I mean look at how good you are with Meredith and Derek's kids. Look how good you are with your neuro patients that are kids. You're so good with kids and they love you. Our kid won't be any different."
"I'm just scared I can't do it," she cried. I hugged her again and she stayed in my arms.
"I think you're a good mother," I said.
"You think so?" She asked.
"Yes," I said, "I see the way you are with Zola, Bailey, and Ellis. I know how protective and loving you were to Christopher in his first minutes of life. I know you'll be great with our kid."
"Thank you," she said in a small voice.
"And if you don't think so, I'll just reassure you of it everyday," I said.
"Everyday?" She chuckled.
"Everyday," I said.
"What did I do to deserve you?" She asked.
"I could say the same about you," I said.
"Should I maybe go to work?" She chuckled.
"I took the rest of the day off," I said, "why don't we hangout."
"Okay," she said, "I could use a bath, and your child is pushing on my bladder so I really do have to pee." I chuckled as she got up and walked to the bathroom. I grabbed us each a set of clean clothes and when I walked in the bathroom Amelia was already in the tub.
"There's my beautiful wife," I smiled.
"Stop it," she blushed.
"It's true," I said before kissing her.