Under the Whitethorn Tree

9. The Protector

True to Tay's words, it really is a celebration. 

The ceremonial air that pervades the surrounding stands in contrast with his own grief of separation. That grief seeps out of Gun's body and forms a protective bubble around him so that anything he perceives evokes nothing but more sorrow, more torture.

Pretence has never been so easy for someone as expressive and genuine like Gun but now he pretends. He pretends to smile at one or other fairy who bumps into his shoulders excusing themselves for being inebriated and being merry while his mood is far from both inebriation and merry. Maybe he thinks he should try getting intoxicated a bit so that it will create a distraction, shielding him from reality. 

He reaches for that intoxication despite New trying to stop him. That's right when will he ever learn to listen to what New says? 

He sees Off.

He is not yet drugged enough for his brain to create hallucinations but he really sees Off standing there. Like a big giant? Surrounded by a bunch of inquisitive fairies? Talking with that pale-faced elder? 

Oh is he?

He is the Protector whose arrival these bunch of clueless fairies seem to be celebrating! He's the Protector who would protect them from hunters! Their realm doesn't just open up for any outsider other than the Protector. It won't guide anyone towards it other than the Protector. No other person can know that their invisible realm really exists. 

When their gazes meet, Gun sees relief there in those kind eyes that speak in thousand emotions, starting from relief, love, disappointment, regret to sorrow. He masks them all, a little too late by ducking his head letting Gun's mind go all awry with bafflement.

This is not right. 

Gun tries to steal Off's attention that rightfully belongs to him for a several of painstaking minutes but Off adopting a stubborn aura all of a sudden evades Gun's gazes.

When all Gun wants to do is to pepper kisses all over Off's face to show how much glad he is that Off is alive, how  much happy he is that Off has come back to him, but Off retracts not wanting to return those sweet gestures. 
．．．．．．．．．．．．．

Gun stalks Off until he can find Off alone, free of any distractingly annoying companions flying around and shielding him. 

"You are angry with me?'' Gun isn't certain what prompted him to ask that question but there should be a reason for Off to avoid him, surely. 

Off stiffens as if he was waiting for Gun but dreading that arrival at the same time. "No. I'm not angry with you. I'm just angry with me. If I was aware..'' 

Before Off could finish his sentence, Gun interrupts as he feels guilty about everything. 
"None of this would have happened. Off, just tell me this one thing. If you had known that I wasn't human like you, would that have changed what you felt about me?'' 

"Gun that's not what I meant..  Those hunters! They could easily sense when fairies are around.. in whatever form you are in. I mean I did have my doubts about your weird human behaviour but I thought you were just pranking me. And and… I didn't think fairies were real until I saw that hunter stalking you. He must have been noting us for some time and  I should have paid more attention. I have seen that guy bragging in the tavern about fairies. I thought that was just a cooked up bed time story. I just didn't know..  I could have protected you better. I know I should have protected better......'' Off goes on rambling without a pause and gives up in the end with a sigh. 

It's reasonable that someone who has gone through a near death experience to be thoroughly shaken by it. Gun knows this. Gun isn't free of that fear either and he doesn't yet know what Off has gone through entirely.  But being so close to losing Off reminded him of how desperately he wants to cling on to Off and never let go. 

Now Off is with him and that was important than anything else. 

"You protected me. That's why you are here with me now.'' Words come out easily now that he knows Off doesn't hate him, now that he knows that he has a right to assure him. 

Off gives a soft smile saying "You don't know how glad I was when I could see your realm. I just wanted to know if you are safe but they said something about being a protector.. I don't know if I'm the one.'' 

"Yes you are. Look at the bright side, now you can stay with me all the time.''  Gun says while circling around Off still not sure if this is real or he is dreaming. 

Off has a warm smile brightening the features of his face, he opens his palm and holds it out at Gun. Gun could get no better invitation than that, he hastens to drop himself at Off's opened palm and embraces his slim thumb while his wings flutter in excitement. 

"I was itching to say this though. Your fairy wings are so so so beautiful.'' Off says now with an open smile.  

"Want to touch?'' Gun offers knowing that no one besides Off will ever be allowed that privilege. 

"Really? Can I?' Off's voice sounds exhilarated, an innocent child's enthusiasm in being able to witness Nature's wonders for the very first time. 

"Ofcourse. Go ahead.'' 

He caresses the edge of Gun's glittering wings like handling a delicate petal of flowers with his awestruck eyes and  intently focused on not hurting Gun. This close to his favorite human, Gun can notice how Off's eyes widen, breath hitches and a sunshine smile breaks free from his lips…… 

"I...'' Gun falters. 

"What happened? Did I hurt you?'' Off retreats his fingers and his voice trembles with worry. 

"No. I just.. I realized I really… like you.'' It almost comes out as a whisper.  It's confession, a plea, a vow, all at the same time. 

Off's initial reaction was shock. Rightly so because he might have expected him to be the first one to confess, not that a confession was really needed after they had kissed each other in that desperate moment, wanting desperately to hold on to each other and never let go. 
But a moment ago Off was overcome with an extraordinary amount of guilt doubting his self-worth that he had expected nothing but a rejection from Gun. 

Yet love is about adoration like how Off now adores Gun for choosing him despite everything. Love is also about courage, expressing that very basic want for the nearness and intimacy of another living being like how he now musters that courage to say it out loud. 

"I really like you too.'' Off says with it confidence. It's a poem, a spell, a vow, all at the same time.