Caramel - MYG

11

Charlie

"What? What's happened to her?!"

Yoongi's voice is soft, but there's an underlying panic in it. I let my eyes slip away from him, still in a state of shock. My heart is pounding so fast, his words are muffled as he crosses over to me, reaching out gently. I don't even register the hands on my shoulders, my mind spiraling into a dark part of my brain.

It's happened again.

My knees give way and Yoongi manages to catch me in time, pulling me into a hug. He's still talking to me, but I don't register anything he's saying, as my thoughts are ringing in my ears, echoing in time with the thunderous rhythm of my heart. I'm vaguely aware of Yoongi looking into my eyes, talking to me frantically and it's only the concern in his gaze that snaps me out of my shock.

"Charlie?! Charlie, please talk to me!"

My eyes meet his and I let out a shaky breath. Everything is swimming around me and I can hardly think straight, my mind seemingly not under my control. Memories and thoughts come into my brain, haunting me and I can't stop them.

Yoongi pulls me back onto my feet, making sure that I'm steady, before letting go of my shoulders.

"Stay here, I'll go get you a glass of water." He says, his voice distant and I watch with bleary eyes as he makes his way past me and into the kitchen. But as soon as he's gone, my feet move of their own accord and I rush up the stairs, straight to Yoongi's room. Once I'm there, I head over to the bathroom and step inside, locking the door behind me. And then I succumb to my mind, drowning in darkness and depression.

Jieun.

I sink to the floor, my back pressed against the bathroom door and my knees curl up to my chest. When the pounding on the bathroom door comes and Yoongi's panicked voice the otherside sounds through the air, I barely feel anything. I'm far too deep into my fears to notice.

My mind sends me back to the moment I got the call and I had picked it up, unsure of who the caller was. The number was unfamiliar and so when I accepted the call, I was in no way prepared for the polite, blank voice the otherside to tell me that my friend had been hit by a car and was now in Chiyu Hospital, with a broken arm.

As I sit with my back to the bathroom door, I try to remind myself that she's fine, that she's just got a broken arm and it's nothing serious, but fear has already made me it's puppet. Visions of Jieun lying in the road, rouge spread around her in a horrifying halo, seep into my brain like a poison. The poison is already starting to affect me, slowly strangling me and I have to focus on my breathing, to steady it, but it's no use.

Jieun's body in my mind, turns into two very familiar people, their eyes glassy and unstaring. I choke back a broken gasp at the image of my parents, trying in vain to remind myself that this is all in my mind and none of it is real. I never saw my parent's bodies after the car crash, I never visited the scene of their deaths, but I've imagined it so many times. I can't count how many nights I've had nightmares of black metal and pools of red. Every time I get into a car, I'm reminded of my mortality and of my loving parents, who were taken so unjustly from me.

Tears flow in floods down my cheeks and I bury my face in my hands, desperately trying to block out my thoughts. I can't lose myself again. I can't be engulfed by my depression again. It took lots of counselling and many long nights with Jieun to get me into a better mind frame the first time and now the fact that it's my friend, the person who practically dragged me back into the light, who's hurt, I don't know what to do. I feel lost again and so scared that I'm going to go back to those dark times, that I'm going to lose myself again. I can't go back, not now that I'm in a good place and I'm bonded to Yoongi.