Solace in my heart

It wasn't your fault

Jin tossed and turned around as he was unable to sleep, he sighed and got down from the bed and went to his kitchen. He took a glass of water and sat on the kitchen chair drinking water.He sighed again and put his head down.

He was nervous about everything and now that he has to live with Namjoon it scared him. The last thing he wanted was his feelings to be intervened while he is with Namjoon.

People are right when they say it's hard to let go of the one you love. It was hard for Jin. He used to cry for days after Namjoon excitedly came and told him that he is dating his crush Lisa. It broke him to pieces, even tho he smiled and listened to his bestfriend, all he wanted to do was, dig a hole and live there. The pain was unbearable and going through the whole process yet again was something which Jin didn't want.

He knew Namjoon was single and a corner of his heart wanted to convince him but he knew his bestfriend was straight and hehad no choice but to live with him as a good friend, he was his bestfriend and the last thing Jin wanted to was lose him.

While Jin was thinking about all of it his mom came to the kitchen,she was suprised to see her son there when he was supposed to be sleeping so it was easier for him to wake up early in the morning for the moving.

She came and smiled and sat,she wanted to caress her son's hair but stopped it because she knows what the out come would be,so she cleared her throat to make her son aware of her presence.

Jin looked up and saw his mom lightly smiling.

"Hey Eomma!!"

"Hey son...why are you up in the middle of the night?"

"I... Couldn't sleep."

"Oh!"

An awkward silence came upon them both, until his mom thought it was better if she broke the Ice.

"Did you pack everything?"

"Yeah...I just need to put my towel and my tooth brushes."

"Good."

"Umm...Eomma!"

"Yes Jinnie."

"I am sorry!" Jin sighed.

"For what are you sorry baby?"

"It's...it's just that I am gay and you might hate me for it."

Jin looked down and he realized that tears were slowly coming out of eyes.

"Baby..."

Jin looked up with tears in his eyes.

"Yeah?"

"Stop blaming yourself for something you can't do about..being gay is not wrong..I know I know your dad was mad at you but trust me,Love is Love you don't know who you fall in love with and if you do fall in love with the same gender person I don't think that's a problem to literally throw the kid you have seen grown for so many years."

Jin was crying,all he wanted to do was hug his mom but he couldn't and he hated him.

Jin's mom spoke again.

"I am sorry!"

"For what Eomma?"

"For not being a supportive mom when you came out for not protecting you and for not looking out for you...If I was a good mom then you wouldn't have to go through all this."

"Eomma it's not your fault I was r-"

Jin stopped talking because he couldn't tell his mom that her only child was raped which was cause of his haphephobia."