It's been too long 🥺. I'm sorry 🥺.
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Nothing I can't handle I told him, really? Is that true? Can I handle this? They say there's no better counsellor than time, they say it heals but I've been waiting for so long but it doesn't hurt the same. Maybe that's because I've gotten so use to it that I'm numb to the pain. Like poisonous venom entering my veins, soon you may lose sensibility and become numb to the pain destroying you from the inside until it reaches you heart and you can't do a thing about it, it kills you, stops your heart beat and it's over just like that.
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My eyes fluttered open and I blinked a few times to adjust my eyes to the light. Instantly my head started pounding and my whole body was aching as I groaned in pain. I closed my eyes again and took a nap.
Turning to my side to try and move my stiff body I immediately regret it due to the pain. I groan again and sigh, "I think he's awake doctor."
I feel a warm hand of what I think is the doctor, I try to recall what's going on. Car. Crash. Call. Blood. Darkness. Sounds. Voices. Doctor? I must be at a hospital, that is the best conclusion so far.
I sit up straight on my bed or at least try, the man who hand his hand on my forehead helps me. He exchanges a few words with the younger looking man beside him who I assume is a nurse.
"Mom? Where is my mom and brother?" I whisper as I haven't talked in a while so it comes out raspy and weak as expected.
The doctor sighs, "Call the father," he says facing the "nurse". "I'm doctor Adkins and this is my son, he's gonna get your father and he'll explain everything, you have been out for a long time. We didn't know if you'd be okay but you're not the one that had us worried much. The rest you'll get from your father." And with that he went back to work.
After some time my Dad walked in through the door. He looked neat, everything seemed fine but as he got closer I started noticing something. His grey eyes looked drained of the little colour they had, he had dark circles underneath his tired, red, puffy eyes.
"Dad," I whispered softly as I reached out my hand towards him, he took it and squeezed it.
"There's no easy way to say this so let me just show you. You'll be discharged later today, anyways get up, let's see your brother."
We walked for five minutes and he stopped when we reached the end of the hallway. Pushing the door open, he let me enter first.
I couldn't believe it, his chest was rising and falling and I took that as a sign of luck, he was breathing though he had some tubes connecting some drips to him.
I sat to the chair beside his bed and held his hand taking deep breaths trying to hold back tears. Mom. "Where's mom?" I wanted to see her, I just need my mom right now, she would know what to do, what to say, how to make me feel better. Just holding her hand would make me feel better.
I stood up and walked towards him, standing in front of him waiting patiently for his response.
"DJ was hurt pretty bad," he said looking at my brother. "One of his organs was damaged or something like that and so he needed an organ transplant, he was in a comma for a couple for of weeks now, you were guaranteed to wake up with a 50% chance from yours but for him, he's in the hands of faith."
"Mom didn't make it after the transplant, she was dying and she was weak but after hearing about DJ, she put his life first and legally signed papers to transplant her organ, a bit of her liver."
"After the surgery, she just didn't have an fight left, she had serve injuries that hadn't healed. But she was the one to wake up out of the three of you. It's been two months, three weeks since we put her in her final resting place."
"And I missed it all," I thought to myself as a year rolled down, I couldn't hold them back anyways, one after the other they went streaming down.
My heart started pounding, my chest grew so heavy that it was weighing me down. The tears blinded my vision.
How many nights had he spent with her?
How many nights had he practiced this to make it less painful?
He pretended to be so strong but for a man like him, family was everything, and to lose it all over the last two months. How could he handle that?
Did he still have his job, what was going to happen?
I can't even imagine the hospital bills and the lonely nights, did he start drinking to numb the pain?
How was DJ going to take it, wake up to find out your mom has been buried already, she died. She is never coming back. Died. Dead. Gone. Forever.
