After some time I was discharged from the hospital and when I got home, I took some time to rest but not long. I've been resting on a hospital bed for over a month already and I'm tired of 'resting.'
~~~~~~~~
It was two weeks of staying at home and seeing all types of professionals before I could go to school. My Dad was the one who broke the news to my brother, he came back just a few days ago.
The atmosphere around here had changed drastically. There was this lingering thick air filled with sorrow. It felt humid, as if the evaporated tears of three sad souls had accumulated in the air.
I grabbed my school bag heading for the door. Today was going to be DJ's first day at school after a long time, he had a lot of work to catch up on but with right mentality, he can do it.
We all get in the car, I strap on my seat belt and glance at my Dad if I can still call him that. The drive was short, and I was thankful for that because I couldn't take the silence.
I jumped out the car and opened the door at the back and gave DJ a hug, I just thought he might need it.
First period was boring and I just doodled and then took some notes that I thought I might need. Second period was in the same class so I didn't really bother packing up when the bell rang.
I felt a light tap on my shoulder so I turned to look at my best friend. I saw the empathetic look he gave me, it made me feel less alone. Though Austin's mom is very much alive, he never got to know her, his parents divorced when he was two years. It's funny how he misses her yet he never really knew her, but she does video call on his birthdays and on holidays but he still doesn't know her.
He doesn't know what kind of coffee she likes, how she likes her coffee and if she even drinks coffee. He doesn't know a lot about her. How she smells, her perfume. What it's like to be engulfed in her arms. How it feels to come home and have her ask him about his day so he can roll his eyes and say just fine without any other word like most teens. It's funny how he has told me how he wished she could be here to shout at him when he messes up. How he wishes she could come back.
"I swear I'd be good, I'd be the perfect kid, I would do anything to keep a smile on her face, a happy one. Not the sad smile she always gives me. I'd give anything to have her shout at me, just one argument face to face, or a kiss on the cheek, I wouldn't even tell her she's embarrassing me. You're lucky, you got to know your mom, you never saw her at her worst and you have felt her love. Was I not good enough? Don't I deserve to be loved by her? Every child deserves the love of their mother? Don't I? She's alive isn't she," those were his words from a week ago when we were both feeling pretty shitty. I remember each and every word and they play in my head every now and again.
James who was also sitting adjacent to me had a sad smile. He too was missing something, he never knew the gentle touch of a mother's love. His mother is hard on him, she's strict and cold but we all know she means well, but for his sake, I just wished she showered him with love. He's too scared to just hug her cause it's been too long and he probably forgot what it feels like. She is an amazing woman, she has been through so much and has probably forgotten how to love unconditionally or she's just too scared. I can imagine that being hard after losing your beloved daughter to cancer and having an abusive man as the father of your kids.
So I guess we can all relate to the other one's pain one way or another. It has not been easy but I'm glad I have amazing friends by my side.
~~~~~
James whispers something in my ear pulling me away from my train of thoughts. I raise my brow slightly to indicate my obliviousness.
He took out his phone and texted me under his desk. I took my phone and opened it. Shortly after I received his message.
