𝙏𝙝𝙚 𝙍𝙚𝙨𝙩 𝙤𝙛 𝙐𝙨

(45) amate

Hospitals were confusing places.

The house of birth and death-- two of the most contradicting possibilities. Where smiles listened to the room fill with cries. Where cries watch the last smile fade. Where happiness added its own contradictory emotion at one location.

A question mark would be the symbol to describe the feeling— a blank one. Where the thin outline of the symbol's curves were seen over everyone's heads, leaving the sense of doubt waving in intensity and emotion.

When gathering around the bed was either the feeling of paradise or silent darkness caving in.

That silence was loud in the room currently. The subtle beeps setting as a constant reminder that death was not near yet taunted you that nor was health.

While searching for warmth in a place of birth, cold feet sent chills to the cries and sobs that echoed down the halls. The sounds that headphones could not mute through the melodies of one song.

Sighing it off only bought more burdens to the night that felt eternity to weak shoulders. The realization that reality was a continuous reminder that life just isn't always fair.

No matter how am hard I tried to make it so.

"Hey," Katsuki's elbow gently yet firmly nudged my arm, bringing me out of my intrusive thoughts. I looked at him before back out the room window.

"What?" Cold, harsh was what I'd unintentionally toned through my single word answer. Words were tiring.

"You've been staring out that window for a while. Eyes are gonna hurt— stop that." He turned my body toward him from the notice that I'd been drifting off once again.

"What do you want me to do then?" It was a genuine question. The answer seemed to out of reach. I could ask over and over and over until the nurses and doctor grew tired of the repetition yet I'd get the same answer: wait and see if Senya wakes up.

No one understood. No matter how many times they said they did or attempted to sympathize as if it would suddenly get the same happiness and strength I had before. It was all bullshit. Even with Bakugou here.

He came an hour after he texted me. I assumed I'd have some distraction to ease the silence and told he passed the exam with flying colors instead was told the opposite. Understandable.

Maybe he was worried after finding out about my brother. Maybe he was angry or just treated people like crap.

Only Senya knows the true answer to that. Katsuki sat in here for an hour and a half as I took advantage of the showers here and ate. He spoke to Senya silently, mumbling on the other side of the curtain.

He seemed okay but I could feel the weight of his own emotions bringing down mine. It was one of the fewer occasions were his emotions we out of their usual. His eyes weren't as fiery and sure enough his head hung slightly lower.

Nurses gave me the look of sorrow; their eyes shifted to the corners, carefully checking on me. Asked me if I wanted to sit elsewhere while Katsuki ended up finishing up.

"I dunno. Don't look so glum. He isn't dead." He said as if he words would suddenly cure my raging thoughts.

There was a slight smile to my face. "He isn't awake either. Who knows when he will be." I walked over to the seat next to my brother and stared at his hand.

Katsuki couldn't respond. He didn't know how to. He went to the spot I'd been at and took over the position of looking outside mindlessly.

How do you grieve with someone whose sibling is not dead nor in the state of living?

What do you say to make their pain lessen and distraction their mind with gentle ease instead of fallen desperation?

If things got better, when?

These were the things I'd been thinking about. And if it felt like I'd never be able to get out of this awkward feeling of looking around in a pitch black room.