Sunken ships

13

I shoot up covered in sweat and my heart pounding so fast it feels like it will pound out of my chest.

I look around and try to see where I am with the small amount of moonlight coming through the window. I quickly recognize my bed and little bedside table, I am in my bedroom, at home.

I tilt my upper body a bit forward and place my right index finger and thumb between my eyes. I feel strange. It's the feeling you have when you wake up from a really really deep sleep. But there is something else. I had a very heavy dream too.

I close my eyes trying to recall what that dream was about. Little by little small parts start to come back.

I was home, first in the hallway, then in the living room. But the living room was different, bigger. There was a big table in the middle of it.

Suddenly I was in the flower field, the warm sun shining on my face. It didn't last long. With my hand reaching for my lower back I was surrounded with blood, my blood.

Recalling all of this I still had the feeling that wasn't all of it. The fact that dreams are almost always so hard to remember the moment you wake up isn't helping at this moment. I really feel like there is something important I should be able to bring back.

I turn my upper body to the right and lean back to be able to reach my wristwatch laying on my bedside table. I pick it up and turn it into the light to be able to read it.

It's 2:25 am.

I should probably go back to sleep. Otherwise, I won't be able to get up in the morning and it wouldn't be good if I arrived late at work.

I reach back again to put the watch back and turn on my other side to lay down. I pull the duvet up to my neck. I try to sleep as fast as possible but something just keeps me awake.

I move around a little, trying to find the best sleeping position, but it's pointless.

Eventually, I just turn on my back and stare at the ceiling. It's covered with the shadows of the trees outside.

My thoughts keep going back to the dream I can't even fully remember. The only parts I can remember are my home, the living room with a big table, and the flower field.

Closing my eyes again I try to remember the rest. More things start flooding back.

The diner.

The wine was actually blood. The blood of the soldiers.

The rising water.

Then I woke up in another dream. In the flower field. Blood all around me.

And I wasn't alone. There was someone with me the whole time.

Alex.

I lift myself up and look in front of me with open and shocked eyes. Everything is coming back now.

The chicken.

The uniforms.

Him walking over the table before pushing me backwards, into the rising water.

Me waking up in the flower field and him being there to calm me down. I felt safe with him. But then, out of the blue, he stabs me and just walks away, never turning back again.

...

I close the door behind me and take my coat off. I hang it on the standing coat rack while kicking my shoes off.

I just came home from a long day at work. The boys weren't cooperating at all. In general, I'm not a strict teacher. If you pay respect to me, I will give you my respect back. But today I had to raise my voice to get them to listen to me. I don't like doing that, but sometimes I have to.

In the kitchen, I drop my bag on the table and pour myself a glass of water. I pull back a chair and take a seat. The class submitted an assignment today and I want to correct them as soon as possible.

I always try to do things as soon as possible. That way I am done with it and I can focus on other things.

Flipping the last assignment onto the pile I corrected, I let out a sigh. I stand up from the chair and walk into the living room.

I see my journal laying on the coffee table in front of the couch. I am not that tired yet so I could write a bit in the remaining hours of the evening.

...

I had a really weird dream last night. Or you can even say dreams, plural. First I had a dream and then I woke up in another one.

But the thing that kept my head busy today was who was in that dream with me.

It was Alex.

He was with me in both of those dreams.

When I woke up in the second dream he was there for me. He was calming me and that gave me a really good feeling. Everything felt so real. Him placing his hands on my leg and back gave me a safe feeling. He made me feel safe and wanted.

But then he just stabbed me and when I eventually woke up and remembered everything I had very mixed feelings.

I tried to push it back and just start my day.

On my way to work, I remembered what Alex told me. He said that it was his first day at work today. He has a job at the local shoemaker. I decided to walk past it just to see how he is doing, not to talk or anything.

I turned the corner onto the street where the shoemaker has his shop. I felt my hands getting sweaty and my heart beating a bit faster the closer I got to the place.

For some reason, I always get a bit stressed and shy when he is near me. My hands begin to sweat, my heart beats faster and when he is in front of me I don't know what to say. That happened at the market and the cafe.

I never had that with anyone. Maybe it's just because he is more extroverted than me.

It was different at the flower field though. Perhaps that was because of the setting or just the way he was so sweet to me, the way he laid his hand on my shoulder and put that flower behind my ear before calling me pretty. It could even be just the way he looked, the way he looked at me. The way his face was looking like a sunflower in the sun.

I was standing at the side of the building to not make it obvious that I was there. I look through the window and search for a familiar face with brown hair.

After looking around for a few seconds I saw him coming out of the back of the store. The man that was so nice to me yesterday, and gave me a kiss on the cheek before he left. But also the man that stabbed me in my dream which still gives me shivers thinking about it.

He was carrying a shoebox in his hand. I have noticed he has quite big hands so holding that box with one hand didn't seem difficult.

He walked over to a customer to show him the shoes inside the box. The customer nodded and Alex took the shoes out before placing them on the floor, in front of the customer.

After trying them on and walking around a bit I assume the customer said he is going to buy the shoes because a smile appeared on Alex's face. And a smile from Alex always brings a dimple with it. I noticed that yesterday, it's very infectious to look at. A smile appearing on his face makes a smile appear on mine.

And that is exactly what happened there. I was standing there, the corners of my mouth lifted in a little smile just looking at him doing his thing.

I got snapped back to reality when I saw Alex saying goodbye to that customer. He opened the door, which made the little bell above the door ring, and walked out. I turned my head back to Alex and saw him turning in my direction. I quickly turn around with my back to the wall of the building next to the shop.

He almost caught me looking or more like staring at him.

I probably stood there another five minutes before I eventually turned back around to look inside. I saw him helping another customer and I took that chance to walk past at a quick pace.

I really couldn't be face to face with him. My mind is and still is too messy and confused.