Backstage (h.s)

38. Stumpy

Esme 

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I could have saved myself

Time and lots of money

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We left the club last night a little bit after the run in with Patrick, I still don't know how I feel I know its not a happy emotion but I can't pin point one emotion, I know I'm angry that he had to ruin this, I'm sad because I'm letting him make me angry and I'm scared, I really fucking scared of him 

I didn't see him the rest of the night but I was glued to harry's side the rest of the night as well I was extremely paranoid, I told him I didn't want to leave because I wanted all of us to have fun, I didn't though I was miserable but I'm good at hiding my emotions, always know when to put a smile on 

harry didn't drink anymore after he told Patrick to leave he wanted to be alert for me, I was very appreciative of that it mean't he cared 

When we got to Niall's I fell asleep right away, I changed very quickly leaving my clothes on the floor by the bed and taking one of harry shirts, he layed down next to me and I scooted closer to him, he took me into his arms and kissed my head, "we'll be alright goldie" he repeated one more time and I nod into him, I know we will be but I don't want us to go through the struggles 

I woke up about 20 minutes ago just thinking, I know theres a chance I'll see Patrick and I'm terrified I don't want to be hurt I just want to have a good time seeing harry have fun on stage and being with him I wanna wake up to him in the mornings and cuddle, or make breakfast while we sing our hearts out in the kitchen little stuff like that 

Harry's still sleeping but he's cuddled around me as the big spoon, our arms are tangled together and I'm looking at the wall thats attached to the bathroom, I hear my phone buzz and I grab it from the nightstand, I see Mathews contact number and I feel my stomach drop, he's only texted me once and it was for our interview over a year ago 

I look down at the phone and I see the message, "bus is coming to get you guys in 30 theres a surprise waiting for you inside, enjoy. heard he's very excited to see you" I hear the sarcasm drip off the text and I shiver, I turn over and I see harry sleeping peacefully, I look at his sleepy eyes and I rub his arm, "harry" I whisper and he doesn't answer, "harry" I say louder but he doesn't do anything 

"smiley" I whisper and I see a smile appear on his lips, "asshole" I whisper and he flips me off making me laugh, "check your phone baby" I say and he opens his eyes, he turns to his nightstand and he opens his phone, a couple seconds later he puts it down and he looks at me, "we're not going on that fucking bus" he spits out and I shake my head, he pulls me closer to him 

"harry we don't have another choice" I speak and he runs his fingers through his morning hair, "there has to be you can't be by him without shaking esme" he says getting angry and I grab his hand, "if you're there with me I'll be okay" I try to say confidently but it doesn't work that well, "I don't know esme I just want you to be happy" he says and I smile, "we can't always get what we want harry" I say and he nods, "I wish we could" he whispers and I nod, "we will something has to makes us want to love as hard as we can" I say and he looks to me 

"we should pack" I say and he nods, we walk to the closet throwing all of our shit into the suitcases, it only takes us around 15 minutes and we finish up, I throw on a sweatshirt and sweatpants wanting to be comfortable and harry does the same 

we walk down the stairs and I see Niall and Liam standing at the bottom of the stairs and there staring at us, "you guys got the text too?" I ask them and they nod, "are we okay with this?" Liam asks and I shrug, "I can't avoid him forever" I say and I walk through them, I see ember pacing across the living room 

"es" she breaths out as she sees me and I walk up to her, "hey you okay?" I ask her and she scoffs, "I should be asking you that" she laughs and I smile, "I'll be okay I'm just gonna stay by you and harry" I say and she nods, "good I don't want you out of my sight" she says and I smirk 

I see Louis and Zayn walk down the stairs and they talk in the group with harry, niall, and Liam they're whispering and I sit on the couch with ember and we wait for the bus, she grabs my hand  and she tries to calm me down I feel my hand shake and my foot bounce as I hear the bus stop outside our house 

"shit" I whisper out and I Harry walks up to me, "ready baby?" he asks and I rub my hands down my pants getting the sweat off of me and I look up at him, "yea I'm ready" I let out a breath and I stand up, he grabs my hand and we walk towards the door with our suitcases, I see our security outside of the bus and I hand them our bags, harry walks in front of me and I grab his hand

Harry walks me onto the bus and we walk to the loft, I see him pull the curtain open and I see Patrick sitting on the couch in front of the x-box. I grip onto Harrys hand and I feel him rub the back of my hand with his thumb and we sit on the couch opposite of him 

"morning esme" I hear Patrick smirk and I see harry move closer to me, "this your boyfriend what's his name? Henry?" I hear Patrick tease and I look down gripping my hand on Harrys, "it's harry actually" he smiles and I see Patrick look over to him, I see Niall walk in and he sits right on top of Patrick making Patrick try to push him off, "sup stumpy" Niall laughs out and he pushes Patrick off to the floor, "I'm taller than you asshole" Patrick rolls his eyes dusting himself off 

"hm didn't know 5'6 was taller than 5'8" Niall says standing up he looks down at Patrick and he smirks, "now, you can go out of the loft into the beds and sleep you don't get to make my sunflower uncomfortable" Niall snaps jumping towards Patrick and he flinches away, Patrick looks towards me and he steps forward making me flinch into harry 

"see you in a few hours Essie, come to my bed I'll show you a good time baby" he smirks winking at me and I look at harry, "thats right you got a new boyfriend sorry Henry I forgot, still good to use her though?" patrick smirks and harry stands up, "it's harry once again and I suggest you shut the fuck up and walk to the bed alone" Harry spits out and Patrick looks at him 

he walks to the beds and he closes the curtain behinds them, I scoot closer to harry and he rubs my back, "you okay?" he asks me and I nod, "I'm okay are you okay?" I ask him and he smiles, "you're so sweet goldie always looking out for everyone" he smiles and I kiss his cheek

"can we take a nap?" I ask him and he nods, "please" he whispers and I lay down with him next to me on the couch, I look over to ember and she smiles at the both of us

I'm lucky to have him 

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