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Esme  

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Esme  

when we arrived home I felt my stomach drop, the porch light was on and I know it wasn't on before we left, someone was either here or they just left

it made me worried because they got into our space, our space where we didn't have to pretend 

anything could of happened, when harry stopped the car we both jumped out because we knew something was up, I ran into the house which was unlocked now, I ran into the living room and the sight in front of me made my world crash

I sprinted to the couch to see my baby lying on the couch, I knew something had happened since he didn't greet us at the door, I screamed louder than I ever had before out of shock

"No no no!" I heard myself from a distance say, I felt so far away from myself right now, I wanted to be with ripley I wanted to make sure he was alright and safe

but he wasn't, he was dead 

I saw out of my peripheral harry kneeling down next to me, he didn't say a word but I knew what he was feeling

shock.. sadness.. and most importantly denial..

I had no clue who would have done this to ripley, who has something against us 

I saw harry lay his head on ripleys bloody stomach and I felt the hot tears start to stream, he doesn't deserve this no one does 

I moved forward to touch him but he flinched and I brought my hand back to my body, "I'm so sorry" I whispered just loud enough so he could hear me and he did because he let out a crippling sob making me want to cry even harder 

"who could do this?" I think out loud and I hear harry sniffle, "Esme we need to have a conversation" I hear his rawr voice shatter and I feel a twinge in my gut, "Harry we don't need to talk-" I start to say but he cuts me off

"I need to say this" he whispers and I stop talking waiting for him to continue 

"we know Matthew isn't a good person" he starts and we both stare at ripely, we stare hoping to find some answers and he starts again 

"the truth is... I'm terrified of Matthew" he says and I see him try to hide from me and I nod, I feel the same way I always have been because of Patrick I saw how Matthew treated Patrick if he didn't fit his standard and it scared me because I know I didn't fit Matthews standards ever 

"I moved to America as soon as I turned 18 most people think its because of the band, which yes part of it was but the main reason was because..." he pauses and I scoot closer to him I touch the back of his hand softly waiting for him to flinch or move away but he doesn't so I trace my nails on the surface giving him some sort of reassurance 

"he uh he killed my father" he lets out a blunt tone and my eyes flash to his, I stand up and pace the room, trying to close my eyes for this all to be a joke, I take a breath and stop looking directly into Harrys eyes

"I'll kill him" I say and I feel angry bubble in my stomach making me rage, I turn to the coffee table and I grab Harrys keys and my jacket and I walk to the door, I turn the knob and I hear harry say stop

"Harry I'm not gonna stop not until he's dead, what's he's done to you isn't right and he deserves to pay for what he's caused, killing your father and then your best friend" I snap and harry walks towards me

"you know what else wouldn't be fair to me. losing you" his tone picks up in the last part of his sentence and I run my fingers through my hair and I feel the tears stream down my face 

"I don't need him taking any more from me" I hear his low tone and I nod, "what are we gonna do?" I whisper and he wraps his arms around my waist

"grieve and I need to call a meeting, I'm getting all my secrets out in the open" he says into my neck and I hold him as close as I can to me 

I'll stay like this forever 

for him 

...................

Hi goldies! its been ages Jesus 

but here you go <333 

umm I'll try and update again sometime soon 

I love you all so so much 

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