Circle Of Caim [Completed]

What It All Comes To

I've been sitting on this chair in the corner,  watching him shuffle around his room for quite some time now, moving around with a certain motive that I couldn't grasp. He would grab an item, throw it on top of the bed and repeat the process. Sometime in between, he had removed his suit jacket and tossed it on top of the bed along with the other things before unbuttoning the sleeves of his crisp, white dress shirt and rolling them up to his elbows, displaying the veins running down his forearms for me to gawk on from time to time.

I made no effort to hide the fact that I was openly staring at him, biting my lower lip in unrest and following his moves as my fingers fidgeted with one another in my lap. I was more so concerned with the lack of communication rather than the frantic packing of his.

I even caught his eyes more than a few times, glancing at me as if waiting for me to open up but he continued moving around the room and not acknowledging me.

With the passing of another minute in a hush, I decided to try my luck, "say something," my demand caused him to stop in his tracks, "talk to me, Rafeial." I was aggravated and made sure to sound that way.

"I've been giving you the time, Miss Murdock, " Rafeial carefully placed the gun he was inspecting into the holster tied around his shoulders before he walked closer to me, his intense eyes keeping me in place, "the time to think and collect your words to tell me what it is that's bothering you. What went through your mind that you just had to run away to perform a rescue mission without a plan, without weapons and all alone." His voice was low and soft, requesting reasons as he halted directly in front of my seated form.

I couldn't meet those deep, intense browns, fearing that they might reach too far into my very soul and unravel me entirely. My gaze found a sudden interest in the floorboards beneath our feet.

"Did you not trust me?" His whisper held an emotion, self-doubt, making me whip my head up to quickly deny.

"No, Rafeial, there was never a question of trust with you, " I shook my head, "I trust you with my life. I-I was-" My words failed me and I once again avoided looking at him, my stare falling into my lap as I rubbed my hands together.

From the corner of my eye, I caught Rafeial dropping down to one of his knees and soon after, I felt the warmth of his fingers under my chin, raising my head and making me meet his eyes, "I don't want to force it out of you, Miss Murdock-"

"I'm head deep in shit, " I cut him off, removing his hand from my face and glancing any and everywhere but him, dodging away from his gaze, "I didn't want you to risk your life for something I did to myself, Rafeial, " I spoke in a rush, wanting the weight off my chest, "I was the one who couldn't take a fucking rejection, the one who ran away from the safety of a pack just because I could not accept the fact that my love was wasted, because I was a coward. It was me, Rafeial, who had the unfortunate fate of stumbling across Silas and having him as my mate. A bastard of a mate who wanted me dead just because I was tied to him, " at some point in between my rambling, my voice got louder, "all of this, including the fact that I'm wanted dead, is my fault not yours so why would I want you to bear the consequences of my actions."

I hadn't even noticed the tears that had escaped until the fingers of Rafeial's hands reached both my cheeks to wipe them off before he held my face in his warm grasp, compelling me to face him, "I'm a selfish man, Miss Murdock, and I want you, all of you for myself, " I was sure he might have heard my heart race at his words, and even if he didn't take note of that, he has definitely noticed my eyes growing wide, causing him to caress the side of my face to provide me with comfort and warmth,  "your past, your present and if you allow me, your future. And now I think it might only be myself here wanting to be with as you did not even take into consideration what I'd feel if something happened to you when you decided to go off all by yourself on a suicide mission."