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19. Aimee

      It has been three days since Adaline has gotten out of bed. Maira comes home tomorrow and she isn't sure if that's a good thing or a bad thing. Maybe it'll be good for her to have someone around. Maybe it'll be bad for someone to pay attention to her.

Adaline is unsure of everything these past few days. Whether or not she wants her roommates to come back, her feelings for Clay, if she wants to live or die. It's all too much, a weight pushing on her shoulders and sinking her to the bottom of an ocean, one that she can't swim in.

She sends out tweets and posts a picture on Instagram and responds to texts as if everything is okay and she hasn't been sitting in bed lying her in own depression for days. She texts Clay that she's just tired from having to talk to people a lot, she tells twitter the same thing as an excuse for not streaming. In reality the truth is that she's not just tired, she is exhausted beyond comprehension and no amount of sleep can or will give her the rest she needs.

Sometimes, Adaline thinks that she is not meant to get better. That the depressive episodes and the anxiety are meant to stay, she's not meant to be healthy.

Of course, she knows that's not true. She knows that maybe if she just tries a little bit harder, that she can get better. But there's no use in it for her, no real point. When she thinks of reasons to get better her mind is blank.

Adaline's phone buzzes against her leg and a familiar name pops up on the screen.

Will :)

Are you okay?

Adaline

Ofc, why?

Will :)

You haven't streamed in a couple of days
You don't usually miss days

Adaline
Just been tired from talking to people

Will :)

Yeah alright but even when that happens you just stream alone

What's going on

Adaline

I just needed a break from talking to people for a bit
I'll be back tomorrow
It's not that deep Will

Will :)

Cmon Adaline

Adaline

It's not that big of a deal
Just anxiety and stuff

Will :)
I'm just worried about you
Clay is worried about you too

Adaline
I'm fine, I'm just burnt out

Will :)

Come play minecraft with me
You don't have to say anything
Don't even have to vc

Adaline
Ill pass

Will :)

Adaline

Please

Adaline

Fine

Will :)

:)

So Adaline takes ten minutes to push herself out of her bed and to her pc, momentarily just looking at herself in the reflection the screen. How dirty her hair is, the way her eyes are grossly bloodshot and the bags under her eyes are deeply purple disgust her. For the first time in days Adaline feels herself tear up.