ADDICTED

50

LEAH

A waft of garlic and basil filtered into my bedroom, disrupting my focus.

I looked away from the laptop screen and rubbed my tired eyes.

"Dinner's ready, honey!" called my mother.

"Coming!" I yelled back.

Some days, I felt like I had time-traveled back to high school. Those were the last days I'd lived under this roof.

As much as I missed the independence of living alone, I needed this when I left James.

I needed stability and security to get my head on straight.

Isabelle and Ryan both offered me their couches, but I knew they'd want to party and get me out. I needed to recluse—at least for a while.

After closing my laptop, I grabbed my phone and padded downstairs to the kitchen.

My mom stood at the stove, turning off the knobs. She turned to me with a smile.

"Hi, sweetie," she greeted. "How was work?"

I smiled a little. "The same. I exchanged emails with a few new advocates we're taking on. They're very excited and I enjoy working with them."

"I know I say this all the time," she said and I knew exactly how she'd finish, "but I am so proud of you for staying with the Foundation. I know it's hard on you but your experiences and your passion to help other men and women are really—well, it's admirable. That's all I can say or I'll start crying."

I laughed and pulled her into a hug. "Thank you, Mom."

"Of course. Now, eat up. You know your dad will eat all of it as soon as he gets home."

"Oh, I know."

We made our plates and sat at the kitchen table. Just as I took my first bite, my phone buzzed in the pocket of my sweats.

My mom was scrolling through Facebook so I took the device out to check it.

JAMES: How was your day?

A flame lashed at the open wound of my heart.

He still texted every day.

Sometimes, when I felt strong enough, I responded.

I set my phone down and shoveled a few more bites down my throat. Then I picked it up again.

LEAH: fine. did you see the new advocates I trained today?

He replied immediately.

JAMES: I did. I meet with them in person on Friday. You should come.

Yeah, right, I thought wryly.

LEAH: you've been doing great with them. i don't need to be there.

JAMES: You'd be a lot of help.

JAMES: I miss you.

I swallowed back the tears threatening to spill. I missed him terribly.

If it wasn't for my therapist here in my hometown, I would have gone back to James. She reminded me weekly that I needed to protect myself and my mental health first.

I wasn't ready to see him. I would unravel the moment he laid eyes on me.

I was tired of unraveling. For once, I just wanted to be strong for myself.

"You okay, honey?"

My head snapped up and I saw my mom studying me warily. "Yep. Fine."

"You seem deep in thought. Who are you texting?"