ADDICTED

29

JAMES

A haze of cigar smoke hung around the bar where I sat beside Julia. She sipped on some pink martini and scrolled through her phone. With a dramatic sigh, she put the device away and looked at me. I kept my gaze locked on the half-empty bottles of liquor behind the bar.

"Don't look so mopey," she chided. "Your lover girl will be back in no time."

"She doesn't want to be my lover." I cringed instantly, realizing how pathetic I sounded.

"What? Did you choke her without permission or something?"

My eyes fixed into a glare at her. "I would never."

"Well, does she like a little roughhousing in her sex?"

"I'm not disclosing any of that to you."

"Why?" she whined. "You totally would with Jarrod. Loosen up, big brother. I'm here to talk shit and fuck too."

I shuddered. "Jesus. Bartender, another round."

The older man with ink-slathered arms nodded and went to work on another Old Fashioned for me.

"All I'm saying," Julia insisted, "is that you shouldn't be afraid to talk to me. You used to tell Jarrod everything. Now you have no one. No one but me."

"You shouldn't be jealous of our dead brother."

Her silence let me know how low that was. Drawing a deep breath into my weary lungs, I looked at her again. Julia's eyebrows lay straight and her lips stoically flat.

"Sorry," I murmured.

"I know you don't think I miss him. You were so hostile the week of the memorial. It's not that I didn't miss him. I just grieve in my own way. Crying is not something I want to do anymore."

"It's healthy to cry."

"Says the man who's never shed a tear in his life."

"It's healthy for normal people to cry. We can't all be made of stone."

She smiled and slugged me in the bicep. "You? Made of stone? More like glass from the way you're acting."

"How so?"

"You're all depressed and miserable because this girl you're pining after is taking a weekend off. Chill out, okay? She likes you. God knows why, but it's obvious."

I swallowed a mouthful of bitters and Bourbon before wiping my mouth with a napkin. "She says we can't continue because of Jarrod."

"Our dead brother."

"Yes, that would be the one."

She rolled her eyes. "That's stupid. He might be rolling in his grave, but she's still alive. You both still deserve happiness." Shrugging, she sips her drink and adds, "Or pleasure, at least."

"She worries about what others think."

"I mean . . . she would be scoring two brothers. That's two of the Muller siblings. All she needs is a good roll in the sheets with me and she'll have a home run."

I coughed to cover my chuckle.

We shouldn't have been joking about Leah's sexual preferences, but even I had to admit we Mullers had a charm about us. This time, though, I had to consider the option that perhaps there was something about her that charmed all of us.

One thought of her ass filling my hands or sucking on her pebbled nipples made me immediately crave her. Just the thought of her smile nearly made our distance lethal.

"So," I said, needing to push the longing out of my grasp, "what's your next move, Julia?"

She snorted. "My next move? What makes you think I have anything planned?"

"Because you're a Muller. Even if the black sheep, you've been a secret plotter your whole life."

"Like when I planned my attack on you for scaring off Daniel Winters."

"You dumped cat shit in my bed for deterring a gonorrhea-riddled heroin addict. I never said your plotting was done well or for the right reasons."

"Boohoo," she drawled before tipping the rest of her drink down her throat. The back of her manicured hand wiped her mouth. "Okay. So let's plan my next move, big brother. Tell me my fortune."

"You need to discover that for yourself. You're young, Julia. There's so much you can do."

"True. I don't want to bury myself in work for years, watching Jeopardy in the Christmas pajamas Mother buys you every year."

"I'm trying to support you, little mongrel."

She snickered. "Don't be so sensitive. Where are those jammies anyway? You haven't worn them once since Goldilocks moved in." Her brows waggled.

"I'm sure Leah would finally cave in if I revealed my secret pajamas," I retorted.

"Or your secret sex dungeon."

My skin grew tight over my cheekbones and knuckles. "She isn't like that."

"She isn't like that or you're just too scared to ask? I hate to remind you all the time, but you aren't a pure, angelic virgin anymore. If ever. You need to be honest with her if you expect her to be with you."

I finished off my drink, threw a twenty on the bar top, and slid off the stool. "I should have never let you use my cabin."

"Hey, wait. James!"

As I walked out of the bar, my head swirling with alcohol and unbidden thoughts, she scuttled after. Her hand grabbed onto my bicep and she walked along with me.

Cars zipped by on the street. A bitter wind rose in tufts, curling off the damp asphalt. Julia pressed a shiver into me.

"You know why I'm telling you this, don't you?" she asked. "You know why I'm telling you to remember what you like?"

"No. No, I do not. Neither do I understand why you are trying to give relationship advice. As I recall, your last romp got you pregnant and left once he knew the baby wasn't going to be an issue."

Her eyes squeezed shut. Sighing, I wrapped my arm around her.

"That was cruel. Forgive me."

"I always forgive you," she said. "You're all I have, James. No one else even remotely understands me. Even when you're an asshole, I can't hate you for the things you say."

I remained silent. There was no way for me to remedy that. She was right, after all. I was an asshole. Perhaps that was what kept Leah away. Perhaps Jarrod had nothing to do with it.

"Dominic liked having sex with me," she whispered, hardly audible over the wind's whistling, "but he was a terrible sub. He didn't care for bondage and he would much rather have gotten high than spank me. So"—she exhales sharply—"I'm just saying that you will be happier if you can feed into those kinks of yours. You should see if she's interested, at least. That doesn't mean you haven't to go all the way like you did with Marissa. That was . . . too much. For both of you. Anyway, think about it."

After several moments, I forced myself to comply with emotion and bent over to kiss the top of my sister's head.

"So long as you never mention your sex life ever again, I will think about it," I told her.

She trembled with a laugh. "Fair enough," she relented. Pausing on the sidewalk, she took a long look to the right and then the left. "Is there a good pizza place around here?"

"You want pizza?"

"Duh. It's late and I've been drinking. Carbs are the solution always."

A slice of greasy pepperoni pizza sounded good. When was the last time I let myself indulge?

"There's one a few blocks away." I started in that direction. "Come along now, wee sis."