Mind Boggled

Chapter 70

Third person pov

This... is the absolute worst load of bullshit Harper thinks she's ever had the displeasure and grief of stepping in. And that's really saying something considering the fuckery she'd managed to get herself into in the past.

Harper has reached the very astute conclusion that she is in no way, shape, or form okay. Her parents can tell too, sitting on either side of her, crying for her at their own expense. Harper really isn't super sure how she's managed to process as much as she had. It's a goddamn Christmas miracle that she has any idea what in hot hell is going on right now. Or maybe it isn't. Maybe it would hurt less if she didn't know-- if she was in shock, denial over what happened.

But she's just... not. Maybe she's just resigned herself to the fact that life is a dick that doesn't care who or what it fucks over. Harper thought there was supposed to be more of a fight than this. She'd expected it from herself, yet it wasn't there. Kirishima had told her outright that he was going to die, and she'd known he was telling the truth without needing to even look at him. It had hurt and was scary, but it wasn't stoppable. Something about it being inevitable made it easier to soak in. Harper hated that. 

She'd cried on Aizawa for a long time. She'd cried, because people die all the time, and there's never any telling who it's going to be next. It... It sucks. Harper knows this better than anyone. She knows people are going to lose their lives, no matter how good, bad, weird, or normal they are. Everyone eats shit eventually, some sooner rather than later. Kirishima is... he was one of those people. He didn't deserve it by any means. It's tragic, but does anyone really deserve to die so prematurely? Does anyone have a right to say when it involves human life? 

His death could've been avoided overall, which is just... so goddamn anger-inducing. He could be here right now. He could be safe. It's such a trade off when she thinks about it. If he hadn't come to her rescue, she'd be dead. If he hadn't jumped in the way, Dabi would've died. Harper searches for the villain's motives and tries to justify what they're doing for herself. She knows without a doubt that they're in the wrong, but that doesn't make her incapable of looking through their eyes. No matter what angle she comes from, their resolve is weak. Very little justifies such destruction and loss of life.

Kirishima was everything to her. The best friend she's had in a very, very long time. Someone who was always there no matter what had just vanished. Gone. He was gone and she wasn't going to ever be able to talk to him again, or hear his thoughts, or see him laugh. No more late night texts and gossiping over the menial things she heard in the classroom. No more listening to him babble about the Crimson Riot and manliness. It was impossible to imagine a world where he wasn't going to walk through that door smiling like an idiot. Yet here she was, living in it. It hadn't quite sunk in yet, she didn't think. He was dead. She knew this, but it hadn't hit her as hard as she knew it would.

She knew from experience that it would come in waves. It would come when she saw his desk empty and when she reached for her phone to text him only to realize he would never answer again. It would come when she'd turn to ask for his opinion and be struck that he wasn't there. It would hit when she saw red hair dye at the store or smelt his favorite food. It would hit when she was lonely, when she needed to smile, or laugh. Harper knew this and it scared her. There was no way to brace. 

At the moment, however, that hasn't happened. Harper's eyes are dry, and now she's deep in contemplation. Rolling Kirishima's last words over in her mind, forcing herself to memorize them to a T. A part of her is itching to write it all down before it can fade, but she has a sneaking suspicion those words are going to stick with her for a very, very long time. The rest of her life. Harper is just as glad for it as she is devastated. There's a logical part of her that nudges sharply and asks how the fuck she's going to move past this without breaking down entirely. Harper still isn't sure.