Love and the White Wolf - Book 1

5. Turning Point

       Meeting Sam was an experience.  I wasn't sure what to expect of the new Captain America but when this very handsome man hugged me after being introduced I felt completely at ease with him.  He was also tall and muscular, and had a self assured manner but there wasn't the level of physical awareness I felt with James. 
"Bucky, you didn't tell me Gail was a redhead," Sam exclaimed. "He has a weakness for attractive redheads."
James glared at him but still had a smile on his face.
     "I'll take that as a compliment," I laughed. I glanced at James. He tried to look miserable.
  "Let's go," he growled.
       The bickering I heard on the phone continued on the drive to the old apartment. It was entertaining and I couldn't get enough of it.  When we arrived at my old apartment and they started bringing my things down their tone changed completely. I realized what great partners they were together. They seemed to be able to anticipate each other's moves and were finished within an hour.  Within another hour we had returned to James's place and everything was brought up.  Sam left to pick up some pizza and beer for dinner.  James and I looked at my things.
       "We'll have to get Sam to set up your computer in the den.  Don't tell him but I don't know how to do it."
       "I can do it," I replied. "Just put the hardware where I tell you and I'll plug them in."
       "You mean the different pieces?" I smirked. "Stop that! It's unbecoming in a lady."
       I showed him where to put the desk and printer stand.  When I finished plugging in the cables I turned and asked for his network name and password. He looked blankly at me.
       "You have a smart tv. You should have a network."
       Sam walked in at just that moment and proclaimed that James didn't know it. Laughingly he pulled out his cell phone and showed me the network name and password.  OldGuy  HIf&cgu106  (Help I've fallen & can't get up106). I laughed so hard I hurt my back but it was worth it to see James face.  I finished the setup and updated the computer. 
       James was dishing out the pizza while Sam cracked open 3 beers. We sat in the living room and stared at each other for a moment.
       "Oh hell," said Sam. "I'll go first.  Gail did you know Bucky loves to read The Hobbit and Lord of the Rings?."
       "What's wrong with that? They're great books!" I replied.
      James took a bite of pizza and a swig of beer while sizing up Sam. He swallowed and started to speak.
       "Did you know that Sam hates spiders?"
       "I don't blame him. Don't care for them either."
       It was my turn and they both looked at me expectantly.
       "Are you always this supportive of each other?" I asked innocently.
    They looked at each other then back at me and I started to laugh. Soon they joined in and we finished the pizza while trading jokes. I asked how they first met and Sam explained how he had become friends with Steve Rogers. When Steve had learned that James was still alive he had tried to rescue him. James still didn't have his memories but when he left HYDRA - the evil empire he worked for (Sam's words) he was trying to go straight. When he was finally caught and arrested Steve felt James wouldn't get a fair trial so he convinced Sam to help him break James out.
"I actually didn't like Bucky," confessed Sam. "I thought he was dangerous, especially since he tried to kill me the first time we ever saw each other."
"I didn't like Sam either," confessed James. "He didn't believe that I wanted to change."
"So how did you become friends, then?" I was thoroughly confused.
"I got pardoned for my HYDRA activities after helping to defeat Thanos," explained James. "Then we worked together on finding and breaking up the Flag Smashers. Sam had issues about accepting the responsibility of being the next Captain America and at first it drew a wedge between us. Then when they gave the shield to another man it was obvious that it was a bad decision. We took the shield back, Sam accepted the responsibility and I began to respect him. He began to respect me, gave me some good advice and here we are."
Sam was going to interrupt but checked his watch and announced he had to go.  At the door he gave me a big hug and a kiss on the forehead.
        "It was nice to meet you, Gail," he said, then lowered his face to my ear and whispered. "He really likes you. Give the guy a chance, okay?"
        Turning with a wave he said "Later" to James and left. I started to clear the table and James picked up a box of art supplies. My sketchbook was on top and he opened it. When I realized what he had he had already reached some sketches that I didn't want anyone to see. I grabbed it out of his hands while fighting back the tears forming in my eyes.
       "You have no right," I declared. "Those are private."  I started shaking.
       "I know what terrible nightmares look like and those pictures are worse. What happened to you that you would draw such things?  Please, tell me what they're about," he pleaded gently. He sat on the couch and held out a hand.
       I sat next to him and swallowed hard. I said nothing for several minutes while I gathered my courage.
       "You know I told you my parents died in a plane crash? They died in a plane crash caused by The Snap.  Both pilots disappeared and everyone on that plane was killed when it crashed.  After The Blip they didn't come back. The Snap year was also my last year of art college. I had a good job lined up with an advertising agency. A week before graduation there was a frat party. I drank a little too much, someone drugged my drink, and I woke up to three frat boys taking turns on me."
       I looked up at James face. He said nothing but his look was that of The Winter Soldier, dark and murderous.  I continued.
       "I made my way back to the dorm somehow and my roommate Alison phoned the police. They arrested the three. My parents were flying back to support me and then the Snap happened.  My parents gone, two of the frat boys gone, the arresting officer gone ... I had a breakdown and tried to hurt myself. Ended up in the psychiatric ward for six months and when I was released found out all charges had been dropped because of the trauma of The Snap.  What about my trauma? They all got away with it and I was left with NOTHING!"
       I was shouting and shaking.  James sniffed and I realized that he had tears in his eyes.  He still didn't say anything.  I took a deep breath to calm myself.
       "Alison's family took me in and tried their best to help but they had lost people as well.  After about six months with them I left and have been on my own ever since.  I go to therapy when I can afford it but that sketchbook has been my therapy for most of the time."
       I exhaled loudly and slumped. James shifted closer to me and gently put his arms around me.  He stroked my hair and wiped the tears from my cheeks as I started to sob, then wail as I had done on the day of  The Snap.  He held me close and made soft comforting sounds for as long as I wanted to cry. When I finally stopped he lifted my face up to his. He brushed his lips softly against mine then kissed my forehead and held me close again.
       "I know something about being violated but what you went through must have been unbearable.  I don't think I could have borne it half as well.  I know we only met yesterday but I like you ... a lot."  He hesitated for a moment.  "In fact, I've already fallen hard for you.  Sam could see it, too.  I promise that I will help you as much as I can.  If that means a platonic relationship then so be it.  I won't be that guy that pressures his girl to "get over it" just so he can have sex.   You can tell me anything and everything.  There's things from my life that I want to share with you when you're ready to hear them.  No secrets between us, do you understand?"
       James looked at me directly.   I nodded and whispered yes. As he held me close I felt less alone for the first time in years.  We sat entwined together for what seemed like hours, just breathing in and out.  He must have carried me to my room at some point as I awakened in my bed.  It was still an hour or so before sunrise and I sat there in the dark for some time.  What was happening to me?  I should have been feeling emotionally wrung out but instead I felt hopeful.  I had only known James for just over a day but I could already envision a relationship with him, a relationship I wanted to start now. I still wasn't ready for anything sexual but I wanted to be intimate with James in whatever capacity I could bear. Most of all I was ready to start letting go of what haunted me. There was a good man in the next room willing to listen and help me navigate past my trauma.  Quietly I opened the door to James room and whispered.
       "James? Are you awake?"
       He shifted and sat up to look at me.
       "Can I just sleep with you?"
       He lifted the cover and moved over. As I snuggled into his arms he buried his face into my neck and kissed it. Then he whispered good night. His warmth enveloped me like a cocoon and I felt safe and loved for the first time in years.