Love and the White Wolf - Book 1

22. Closure

We were packing our bags the following morning when James came across the letter Dottie had written him before she died. It was handwritten using a fountain pen, and the penmanship was beautiful. It reminded me of James penmanship as both were taught when cursive writing was a subject equivalent to math or social studies, except Dottie's was somewhat more flowery in appearance. He asked if he should read it out loud. I left it up to him. He cleared his throat and started.

My dear Bucky,
I am writing this the day after your visit with your wife. She is lovely, and I am truly happy for you. After all the pain and misery you suffered during those lost years I hope you two can build a long and happy life together.

I wanted to make it clear, that on the day you saw the slide of Botticelli's Birth of Venus, I started to hate you. I had loved you passionately, and although you had never said the words, I believed you loved me with equal passion. But on that day when you declared that image as your ideal of feminine perfection my heart crumbled. You never tried to restrain my impulses, or tell me to act more like a lady so I appreciate that in that aspect you were ahead of your time. As you also were in your compassion to the woman who died from a botched abortion, or you refusal to brag about your sex life. But I was still angry at your preference for a woman in a painting to the real life woman who loved you. I still don't understand it but I accept it.

I met Frank in 1941. He knew about my relationship with you but said he didn't care. I didn't love him when I met him but he did love me for some strange reason. Frank was declared 4F when he tried to enlist after Pearl Harbor. Turned out he had a heart murmur. It was the biggest disappointment of his life. That's when I began to love him having known similar disappointment myself. Once I started loving Frank I started hating you less. By the time we married in December, 1942, I loved him fully and completely. He wasn't a great lover, or very handsome but he was devoted to me and that was what I needed that you could never give me.

I close this letter with some more advice to you, said as an old, and hopefully dear friend.
Be devoted to Gail as she is the in-person incarnation of your feminine ideal.
Be truthful to her even when the truth makes you look bad.
Be as supportive of her aspirations as she is of yours.
Be worthy of her love. Do not be cruel, or belittle her, as no woman deserves that.

Finally, love yourself. I know when you were under the control of that evil organization you were brainwashed to do terrible things. You are a good man. Believe it and you will live it.

I remain always,
Dottie

James was silent after reading the letter. He read it over again then looked at me a little sadly.

"I knew I hurt her but I never realized how much. Was I that self-involved that couldn't see how much my actions hurt people? Or was I just pre-occupied with finding the next pretty girl to bed?"

I kneeled in front of him and took his hands.

"Would a self-involved man save a woman from a mugger, pay her hospital bill, and offer her a place to live while she recuperated? Would a pre-occupied man respect the body of a woman terrified of having a sexual relationship?"

"No, but...," he started to say.

"There is no but," I replied. "You called me perfect which I know I'm not but I'm pretty close to it for you. You're pretty close to perfect for me, too. Think about our honeymoon. There was some pretty serious drama on it but are we running away from our marriage? Hell no, we're running headlong into the future because we already got through some serious shit. The future? Bring it on, as long as I have you with me."

"Anybody ever tell you that you'd make a great motivational speaker?" he said, his eyes twinkling.

"Uh uh, that's Gus's side gig. I'm your partner for life," I said as I stood up.

James pulled me onto his lap and kissed me passionately. It would have led somewhere if we didn't have to finish packing. Soon we were done and James carried our luggage inside the house to the front door. We had time for one last lunch with Gus and Maria before we had to go. I watched this couple interact as we shared the meal and was struck by all the little things they did for each other. Like bringing the other a glass of water when they got one for themselves, or giving a shoulder massage when the other rubbed their shoulder. Perhaps the secret to a happy marriage wasn't a few big grand gestures but a series of little ones. Whatever their secret was it obvious they had a deep bond, that I hoped we could emulate.

Gus wasn't able to drive us to the airport as he had a physical booked but he had reserved us a taxi. As the driver took our bags out to the vehicle we gave each other hugs and promised to do a video call. This sweet couple repeated the invitation to come stay with them again, especially once the baby was old enough. They walked us out to the car and waved goodbye to us. I cried almost the whole way to the airport.