Love and the White Wolf - Book 1

33. All the Drama

James had a fractured nose and most likely a concussion.  They couldn't do the standard concussion test because he was still unconscious.  An IV drip had also been started because he was severely dehydrated, his blood levels were all over the place and I felt like shit for ever doubting that he was still weak.  I was miserable because the man I had loved so much in the morning was now in a hospital bed because of my temper.

T'Challa had returned to Wakanda.  Sam and Kyle sat with me beside James bed.  Bruce came out of the CT office and declared there didn't appear to be any brain damage.  He wanted me to go to my room and get some sleep.  Sam and Kyle both agreed with him but I didn't say anything.  I just sat and held James hand.  Kyle eventually left, then Sam a couple of hours later.  When I finally fell asleep a couple of hours after that Bruce must have picked me up and put me on a gurney because I woke up in the dark on this gurney, positioned next to James bed, still holding his hand.  He was awake but was just watching me.  His nose was bruised and taped up.

"I really am an asshole," he whispered, "to put you through this shit."

"You really are," I agreed.

"Are you going to leave me?" he asked.

"Thinking of it," I replied.

His mouth twitched and he wiped his eyes.

"Please don't," he begged.  "Without you I'm empty, my cup is empty."

Now it was my turn to wipe my eyes.

"I know," I eventually said. "Mine too.  But I can't deal with all this drama anymore.  I thought I could but ..."

I started to weep.  He lifted me from the gurney and placed me on his bed.  Then he surrounded me with his arms.  When I finished crying he spoke softly in my ear.

"I can't look at those files for a while.  I'm going to ask Sam to take my place.  Then I'm going to find Khasan and kill him so we can go home again and have our baby and be a family."

"What if I want you to stay?" I asked fearfully.

"Then I'll stay but this shit will likely happen again if I do," he whispered.  "I'm asking you to let me go so we can live again."

I buried my face into his shoulder as he broke my heart with his words.  But I knew the truth in what he said.  He felt cooped up and impotent as long as Khasan was still out there.  It would continue to eat at him and we would repeat the same stupid drama over and over.

"Okay," I said. "You do what you have to.  Then you come back to me and fill my cup."

"I promise I'll come home to you," he replied, kissing me softly. 

He pulled out his IV, disconnected himself from everything and quietly snuck out of the medical centre.  Fifteen minutes later when they came to check on him he had already dressed and left with his knives and his go bag.  Wanda found him but I asked her to stop the trace.  Fury let him go and I returned to my room and put James T-shirt on so I could still smell him in my sleep.

At my first midwife visit in the morning I heard without listening.  At the ultrasound in the afternoon I watched the technician point out the head, hands and heartbeat.   I accepted the DVD and photo without the joy I should have had.  I ate the nutritious food and drank the whole milk Nadine recommended so that I would gain more weight.  Kyle would bring me my food because I couldn't bear to hear people being happy in the cafeteria.  Kyle took Rowdy for most of his walks, did my laundry and just about anything I asked.  Basically I became an automaton.  It wasn't living but it was existing and it took all my energy just to do that.  I existed like that until Christmas Eve.