Tarzan & G.I. Jane (Complete)

Part 20

I wake up and find Nurse Libby standing next to my bed. 

"Just checking in on you. Sorry I didn't mean to wake you."

"Where's Sam?"

"He had to leave but said he would be back soon."

I nod and don't say anything else. I don't want to speak to her. She is about to leave to my relief but she stops. 

"I don't know what happened and it's not really my place to say...but he's very upset. He had to be removed from the hospital when Sam told him he couldn't visit you. He won't talk to me about it. He just sulks. I shouldn't be telling you this but I feel like you need to know."

I don't respond. She nods and walks out the door. 

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The next couple of days are the same. Sam comes and goes when he has to work or do drills. Nurse Libby also comes in and out but she seems to get the hint and only speaks to me when she has to. Everyday I get out of my hospital bed and look out my window. Without fail, Tarzan is outside the hospital. He is either sitting on the bench out front the building or pacing back and forth between it and the doors. I can't help but think he looks like a caged animal. 

Nurse Libby walks in and I feel like she's caught me doing something I'm not supposed to be doing. 

"You are being released tomorrow...but if you were to take a short walk I wouldn't say anything."

I must have a confused look on my face.

"Go talk to him. For his sake and yours. You are still under supervision for the next twelve hours. If this talk might leave you in a dark place...it might be the best time for it."

"You have no idea what you are talking about!" 

I snap back. I don't want to have a verbal blow out so I grab my sweater and walk out the door. I am in sweatpants with a tank top under my sweater. I hate how cold they keep the stupid hospitals. When I step outside I wrap the sweater around me tighter, like it is some sort of armor, even though the outside air is hot and heavy. 

It is exactly three seconds til Tarzan sees me. I see too many emotions on his face. In less than ten long strides he is in front of me and his arms are wrapped around me. I can feel his heart racing against my own chest. I can't move. He takes a deep breath and it's like he is inhaling my very essence. I don't know what to think. I was so hurt and angry with him when all I ever wanted was to run to him and have him hold me like this again. That's when the stupid memory pops in my head and I try to step back. I'm not able to move at first but he eventually lets me go. 

I walk over to the bench and sit down. He barely breaks physical contact with me as he follows and sits down as well. 

We are silent for a moment. 

"Please Gabrielle tell me what is going on."

My name from his mouth is like sandpaper to my ears..but I can't bring myself to say anything.

"They wouldn't let me in to see you and no one will tell me what is wrong with you. I'm going out of my mind...please tell me what happened! Why are you still here? You seem fine to me."

I already feel my chest tightening at the emotion in his voice and the tears are working their way to the brim of my eyes. I try to stay strong and hold them in. The words clog in my throat on the way out. I decide to just show him. I pull my left sleeve up and watch his eyes grow and turn dark. He can only see the bandages.

"What happened!? Who did this to you?!" 

I sigh. He is fuming next to me.

"I did."

You would think I slapped him the way his body stilled and his face froze in shock. 

"And...there are more on my legs..."

My voice was barely a whisper. How do I explain this to someone who is so naive in the world that he doesn't know about self-harm or worse things? Or at least this is what I'm asking myself when I see the cuts and bruises on Tarzan's knuckles. He is still a statue next to me. 

"What happened to your hands?"

I really wanted to talk about ANYTHING other than cutting myself again. Between Sam and the therapists I had talked about it enough. I look up at his face. 

"After you yelled at me the other day and ran off...well I kept my distance but followed you. Then you went back to his house. Since you were home safe I went out to my spot, the one I took you to. The more I thought about what happened and how you...kissed him...I got mad and may have taken it out on a tree or two."

Without thinking about it a laugh bubbled up out of my throat. He looks down at me confused but I can see a smirk trying to appear. What a pair we make.

Silence envelops us again. 

"So if you just have a few cuts; why are you still here?"

"suicide watch"

"What is that?"

At this moment Nurse Libby walks outside. Suddenly I am reminded of what started all of this. I stand up to walk back inside, anger fueling me. 

"Ask your girlfriend to explain it to you."

Without another word or a goodbye I walk back into the hospital.