The traffic of Manila reminded me of the road that I used to take when going to the mall in Cebu. There's nothing much here in the capital city of the Philippines.
When I decided to come here and continue my studies in interior design, I realized that there's not much of a difference here and back home. Every college students are living their lives like they don't really care about anything. They spent thousands of pesos as they drank and party hard during the weekend.
I should know, I experienced it first hand.
It was rather peaceful than what I have expected though. I thought I would miss the people I was with in Cebu but I thought wrong. I only missed talking to Luis because he's been there since day 1 but other than that... I don't miss anyone at all.
All of the people whom I considered friends since high school turned out to be just plain... acquaintances. I never really befriended anyone in the first place. It was hard for me to make friends with the people in Cebu— I was constantly reminded that they only have two things why they approached me; it's because they know I'm rich and powerful or it's because their parents told them to do so; for the business.
Here in Manila, I get to be myself. No one needs to know about my private life— not even my family background and that's good. It's kind of liberating when I first experienced the art of not caring for other people.
My "friends" here— my classmates, are all friendly but we both know that it's limited to school related matters. Once out of the university premises, all of us will go back to being acquaintances.
And that's fine. That's totally fine— at least I was immediately informed that I don't need to mind their business and they won't mind mine.
I looked at the rear view mirror of my car and saw the church that I have left behind. A bitter smile crept on my face as I shook the idea out of my head.
I knew that this time will come. I knew time will come and Lennox would be in a relationship and marry a girl after a few years of being in a relationship but... I never thought that it would be this fast.
Two years... just two years after he left for Spain and when he came home 2 weeks ago, I was informed that he's getting married!
And you know what's the best part? It was my graduation when he came home.
I was so happy that he came to surprise me. Yes, he surprised me with himself and well... his wife.
Of course I was shocked but most of the emotion that I felt was... betrayal. It was pure betrayal but it was not his fault—it was mine. It was mine because I never really told him how I felt. I never really told him that I was attracted or... in love with him? If that's how should I call this growing feeling inside me.
Although it came to an end now—the chance of being with him is finally over, I am still... hoping. I am still wishing that he would change his mind but... that will never happen.
No matter how much love or affection I have for Lennox, I could never bring myself and be a home wrecker. That kind of person will never be me.
The traffic light turned red and I pulled my car into a stop as I stare at nothingness.
I don't even know what to feel anymore after the fast transition of events. One day I was shocked, then surprised, then horrified by the idea of him getting married, then insecure for meeting the girl he had chosen—which by the way made my blood boil for some reasons and finally... the sense of betrayal and defeat finally sunk within me.
It's just... full of emotions. The two weeks are just full of unwanted emotions and I wouldn't want anything to deal with it again.
I just want to run. I want to hide and never see them again. I don't... like the feeling of giving way for people to get the things that I wanted because I have been so accustomed in getting almost everything that my heart desires.
