You, Me, and My OCD

Chapter 4.5

That last chapter didn't end the way I wanted it to so "taaaddddaaaaa!"

-------------------------

Spencer picked up another piece of pizza and held it out to Aleah. She frowned.

"One more bite?" He pleaded with a sad face.

"You said that on the last bite."

"I don't remember saying that." He said, knowing full well he did.

"You did!"

"I'm old. I forgot." He teased.

She smiled and giggled a little making his heart melt. She was so cute and..... he tried to think of a word to describe her.

She took the pizza bite and ate it before giving him a sweet smile.

"I want to hear you giggle again." Stephyn said as he reached over and tickled her belly. "It's so innocent."

INNOCENT!! That's the word he would use!

She giggled again much to their delight.

"She sounds like a little doll!" Spencer said as he flipped her over in his lap. "Do it again!" He commanded.

"She can't laugh on demand! You have to tickle her!" Stephyn said as he began to tickle her with his fingers.

"No!" Aleah laughed.

After a few more minutes of tickle tourtue the boys let her go and Spencer sat her up on his lap.

He smoothed down her flyaway hair and positioned her so she was laying against him. "I've decided your too cute to ever grow up. I am unofficially becoming your big brother and never allowing you to become an adult or go around boys because their icky." Spencer said with a determinded nod of his head.

Aleah looked up at him timidly. "That's only because you're old and you need someone to take care of you." She said with the smallest amount of sassy, just as quickly she frowned. Spencer and Stephan could both tell her OCD had decided now would be a good time to pop back in for the day. Poor baby. She really did have a bad case.
--------------------------------------

A few hours later:

(Aleah's Point of View)

"Alright sweet girl, do you have everything you need?" Ms. Tinsley asked her as she tucked Aleah into bed.

"I-I know it costs more money, but could I please sleep with the bathroom light on?" She asked as her heart beat rapidly in her chest. Her father had spanked her on several occasions for leaving her light on, but she was so scared in the dark.

"Absolutely! I like to sleep with a light on too." Ms. Tinsley said with a reassuring smile.

Aleah smiled and settled back. "How long have you worked here?"

"About eighteen years. I actually use to be a patient." She said as she let out a laugh.

"Really?! And you got better?!" Aleah squealed, feeling hopeful.

Tinsley sat on the bed and smiled thoughtfully. "Actually, I had a really horrible stepfather and and an equally poor mother. My stepfather sexually assualted me and my mother refused to believe me. I did get better, but that was because God used Dr. Bryten and his family to help me." She said as she stroked Aleah's forehead gently.

"I-I wish God would help me like that." Aleah admitted. "I want him to love me like he loves you. I just can't be good."

Tinsley smiled kindly. "I remember thinking just like you. I tried so hard to be pristine and perfect. I constantly watched everything I did and the first time I stepped over the line I immediately asked for forgiveness. I was convinced I was bad. No matter how hard I tried I to be good, I always failed."

Aleah wiped away a tear. She felt like that now.

"I know how much you hurt and how much you long to be loved. I really do. I remember that pain well, but I want you to know God is not mad at you. He never will be. All of his wrath was poured out and Christ at his death. There is no anger left for his children- just grace. I know that in just a few days time you're going to see this, but for now just know, right now God is moving heaven and earth to reveal his love for you."

"Do you really believe that?" Aleah asked, debating on allowing her heart to believe.

"Do you know how many behavior centers their are in the USA?"

Aleah shook her head.

"Over 23,000, and 16,000 are covered by your insurance plan. 8,200 of those are on this side of the USA. 1,500 are within a three state radius. 750 are willing to work with Dr. Whallmer. 250 of these centers are closer to your home than we are, but every one of those- EVERY ONE- was full. We were suppose to be full, but last month God really put on Bryten and Jacob's heart to clean out this room- it was used for storage- and use it so we could house one more person. It was clearned by the state for use yesterday- about twenty minutes before Dr. Whaller called asking us if we could accept you. Baby girl, God wants you to know how much he loves you. He's been planning this for so long and now that you're here and away from all the distractions, he's breaking open the skies to show you just how much you mean to him. And the best reasons he's doing it is simply because you're his child and he delights in you."
------------------------------

I often find myself feeling a bit like Aleah. I doubt God even likes me sometimes, much less loves me. I feel condemned. When I first began this journey with God I remember crying out in desperation one day "God, if you love me just show me. Send me something yellow!" I begged.

A little while later, I can't remember if it was a few hours of a few days someone brought me in some yellow flowers with the statement "I thought you might like these." or something like that.

God heard my prayer and he answered.

We never have to be ashamed to ask God for proof he delights and loves us. His son was the greatest proof.

I have also learned I can't live by what I feel, but I must live by what God's word says.

His word says that he delights in me (Zeph. 3:17)

His word says he came to save me not to condem me (John 3:17)

His word says he will be my daddy (Pslams 68:5)

He says he loved me even though he knew I would sin against him (Romans 5:8)