Fear Me

Heartfelt (Part 1)

After several years of living on the streets I had become cold. I didn't often go out as my usual self and I was deep in the forest where nobody could find me. There was a small path out but I lived wild scavenging in the woods. You'd think that nature was my friend. No. I dispised it. Perfect lovely life which never lasted long. Adrenalin rushed through me. Without a thought I grabbed two pills from my pocket before returning to my usual walk. It was hard for me to come to the concept of me being in the position I am in. It had been hard when my mother died because I was only 15 but what my father had done was far worse. Now seeing him after all these years had shattered my heart into millions of pieces. Many days I had hoped I would see him again and I had prayed that he would tell me he was lying and that he didn't mean what he said that night. Now after he had told me i felt like putting him through all the pain I had been through. So many times he had been away on tour and Mum has promised that he loved me but then to throw it back in my face and blame me for her death, it killed me. It ruined my heart. And now after 5 years I was no longer the person I once was. He can come back and apologise but he will never see the new me. Only one person would understand and she was dead. She was there for me when he was gone and she always listened to me. Never did she blame me for anything. I walked down the street to the nearby club which I had been to many times. Each time looking different. Now it was time to forget my problems...

(3 hours later)
Now completely wasted I was unsure what was going on around me. But however I was sober enough to recognise who was standing in the right corner of the bar. George leaned over a chick kissing her passionately. Well, nice to know he had cheated on me. I felt myself becoming slightly faint. I turned to head out into the bitter wind four steps down the street I felt my legs become wobbly. I reached out for something to lean on but found nothing. I drifted in and out of consciousness. Feeling a strong pair of arms lift me from the ground. I was paced somewhere warm. I felt movement before my mind went blank.

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Sunlight, it shone through the blinds, sending white gleans onto the table. Katrina checked her clock, trying to discover why she was awake at 5:00am. And then she heard them, the smashing, and the fighting. She opened her bedroom door, walking across the landing.

"How dare you come back at this time of day? No text, no call. She needs you...and you're never here."

"But I thought you'd be pleased to see me. I've been away for nearly a year. Doesn't she miss me?"

"You don't realise, she doesn't think you love her anymore!" She sighed and sat down on the sofa.

"Do you still love me?"

"Always, as long as the stars are still shining."

He smiled then he remembered Kat and his smile slowly turned to a frown. "Will she ever forgive me?"

"I don't know. I just don't know..."

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"She just doesn't seem happy anymore."

"I'm sure she's fine," he said, brushing through his brown hair.

"I just don't think she is telling us everything anymore. She does know I love her right?"

"Have you told her father? He deserves to know."

"I don't think he does he's never here!" She raised her tone, harsh words turning cold and then worried.

"He does love you, you know!" The shorter man argued his case, trying to get his point across.

"You tell him then. You've always been close since you were band mates."

"He won't listen to me, you tell him!"

The door to the kitchen opened and Katrina walked in. She was caring her school file. She walked in, collecting her lunch from the fridge freezer. She glared at the 32 and 40 year old and then released a "Goodbye mum." Before leaving the house. Both adults sighed

"She's turning into a shadow and I feel like I'm losing her..."

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"How do you know that you are in love mother?"

"It's the feeling that you get when you're with that person, how much you care and what you would do for them"

"Do you love dad?"

"Sometimes I feel like my heart had been crushed and all life has been torn from me but when he comes home it changes everything." Katrina frowned, that didn't really answer her question.

"I'm just worried I will lose who I want to be"

"You know someone once said 'you never know who you are until you lose who you are'"

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Lost in limbo, it's like I can see myself living a hundred different lives. I can hear my mother's voice of reassurance and my father's voice is filled with worry. He acts so concerned yet he doesn't care, does he? Does he know how I feel? Does he understand how I have changed? Will he know what I like and dislike now? He was lost long ago. And soon I will also be lost to darkness...