Fear Me

Visiting Memories

Tuesday 21st July 2040 (Katrina age 19)

Many times now I had regretted being with George. He was a really nice person and I felt bad that I was about to break him. I had met Ali several times now since the café and all this time I had never thought that she would care so much. I never cared. Never...never again. I had cared once. But no more. Look where caring has got me. I was now a murderer who was wanted by the police. And then there was my various conditions. Like depression, anger issues, anxiety, anorexia, tinnitus and various that I have forgotten the name of. All those drugs and medication I carry are supposed to help. There is a strict plan but I just take them whenever. They never really make a difference. I have thought about suicide before but then I think that my Father has won and that would give him what he wanted so here I will stay. I stopped my walk. Someone is following me...I turned round. Many times I had felt like this before but I had never actually caught anyone. I moved towards the graveyard. A place I hadn't entered in four years. When I was 16 I used to visit regularly, but now was the first time I had been her in 3 years. I opened the gate as guilt began to fill me. Flooding my body with Emotions. I walked slowly down the stones, trying to find that I important one.

Here Lies Emily S

A beloved mother and Wife.

Rest in peace.

My eyes softened and all feeling left me. I had caused this. This is what I was blamed for. And after all, it was my fault. I could have saved her. I could have been stronger. I could have not let the words get to me that He spoke. I could have been strong. I could have earned myself a living. I could have found him again. No I will never find him again. He had ruined me. Why would he want me like I am now? So many problems and disorders. I lifted the small box from my pocket, laying it down next to the fresh flowers that had been placed there. I should probably thought this was suspicious but I was too bothered at the moment to notice. The wind blue, causing the silver river ribbon to flutter. Before I could get attached I walked toward the gate opening it and letting the creak fill the silent land I was about to walk away down the street when I saw a figure emerge out of the bushes by the church. He walked towards the gravestone. Looking down he made it so I couldn't see his face. He bent down and reached towards where I had put the box.

"Hey!" I shouted running towards him but he darted out of the way, holding the box tightly in his hand. I reached out but he was too quick and ran towards the now open gate and down the street. I felt like following him but my mind was elsewhere. Was he the one who put the flowers there? No! Nobody cares except me. He was a thief! He stole my necklace, I had kept it for so long and now it was gone. It felt like a massive part of my life has been taken away and it felt...good. Like a weight had been lifted from my shoulders. I felt like running after him but I couldn't find it within me to care about that object that caused me such grief.

I looked back to where I had been. The flowers were still blooming however this time there was a small note lying at the side of the grave. I lifted it and glared at the heading which read my love. I stuffed the small not into my bag. Not noticing that it fell in the small bottle of anti-depressants. I grabbed the flowers, tossing them into the bushes. Angry at myself for letting someone else touch her grave. Mine... I angrily ran towards the gate banging it open looking for the man who had made me feel this way. The street was clear, nobody around. I let out a choked sob, heading towards home. Little did I know that if I looked behind me i would have seen the smashed flowers lined neatly along her grave...

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Sorry, only short chapter this week. Been doing lots of revision for various tests!

Emily x