ONE WAY RIDE | Maze Runner

➭ Chapter 1: Dancing with your Ghost

"I stay up all night
Tell myself I'm alright
Baby, you're just harder to see than most
I put the record on
Wait 'til I hear our song
Every night I'm dancing with your ghost"

Dancing with your ghost – Sasha Sloan

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They say there are five stages of grief:

Denial

Anger

Bargaining

Depression

Acceptance

Thomas still thinks he hadn't reached the fifth one. Not even after eight months.

Then, there were good days and bad days. Now there were only bad days. Those days where you don't want to get out of bed, just because you don't have the enough strength to confront the fact that there is people you will never see again. Where your brain can't get your limbs to move. Where you go to sleep wondering if you really want to wake up the next morning. But you know you need keep going, because you know this is not what they expect from you.

Every day was a constant broken cassette, repeating itself over and over again. They made it to paradise, but for him it doesn't feel like that at all. It doesn't feel like home. He doesn't know if he has ever had a home. He probably had. Before the flare. Before WICKED. Before mazes. But he doesn't remember. So it is like it's never existed.

His day began with nightmares. That constant reminder of every torture from the past. He doesn't know what time is it, but he doesn't bother in checking anymore. He doesn't care anymore. The sun hasn't come out yet, everyone is sleeping, everyone except him. So just like always, he gets rid of the sweaty clothes and changes them to fresh ones, and go out. He likes to feel the wind on his face, caressing his skin as the only way of affection he has these days.

The sand is soft between his toes, his cargo pants rolled up to his knees and waves on cold salty water hitting his ankles with every step, his own footprints being erased behind him. He likes to concentrate in the feeling of Newt's necklace tickling his collar, and the weight of tiny tube with the blue liquid moving inside his pocket. This is definitely not what he would've wanted from him but he can't help it. He doesn't know how to be happy anymore.

A single tear is rolling down his cheek when he reaches his usual spot, between the tall rocks far away from the camp. He doesn't wipe it, feeling identified with that lonely tear. On its own just like him. He has a whole community but somehow, he's never felt more alone in his life. Not even when he was inside that dark elevator in the beginning of his new life.

The sun is now making its appearance in the horizon, the sky turning into an orange color little by little, just like fire. He doesn't like fire. The feeling of his skin being burned, that sting sensation he can't control. But that's his cue to go back to the others, his only moment of mental and physical peace of the day has ended.

He comes back before someone notices his disappearance, he dries his feet and put his combat boots on. A full packed backpack is placed in the middle of his bed and his brown jacket lying next to it. Today was expedition day. Once a month a group went to WICKED land (that's how they called it) just to find if there's something new, although there were always resources. A couple of times they found survivors, and they would test them for infections before bringing them to the safe haven, but nothing too important. Always the same people do the expedition, they are mostly the gladers, the two girls from group B, Sonya and Harriet; Brenda, Aris, Jorge and three more adults placed by Vince.

By this moment, the sun is already shining white in the beach, and people just gathered in the dining area for breakfast. Minho and Harriet are coming out of their shack next to him. The couple throws him a little smile which he returns gladly. He's happy for his friend. He has come a long way since the glade, even if they are not that close anymore. Sometimes he wonders where he went wrong, what happened to their bond. Ever since Newt isn't here things are not the same, as if the blond boy was what kept them together.

He slowly makes his way to the big crowd behind them, hands in his pocked, gaze down. He walks like he is ashamed of something, guilty, and no one knows but him that the only thing he is ashamed of is himself.

Brenda, Gally, Aris and Sonya are on their usual table, while Frypan is serving the food to everyone. Jorge must be doing the last checks up to the boat before their departure. He receives his plate greeting his friend and sits on his usual spot at the end of the table. The rest is discussing about different things. He just listens. Sometimes he adds things to their conversation, but today is not the case. He is tired, the bags under his eyes and the flatback posture are the evidence.

In the blink of an eye breakfast is over and he finds himself walking back to his shack to collect his stuff and get ready for the trip. This expedition lately are the only thing that gives him a little motivation, he clings onto that thought of maybe finding something, even if it is not like that. The only event that doesn't repeat itself every day.

He is the last in hoping on the boat, his jacket now on and his backpack hanging loosely from his shoulders. They should reach coast in eight hours, so he makes himself a comfy place at the corner and curls up in a ball trying to at least get some sleep before lunch.

The others are just staring at him, oddly looks in their face by his friend's behavior lately. Brenda glanced at Jorge for a moment, she really didn't want to find this normal. But it was becoming that way. The rest made themselves comfortable too and began to talk between them, others like Sonya and Aris found their sleep like Thomas, while Jorge made his way to the cabin.

An hour before lunch time Thomas opens his eyes again, his limbs stiff from the odd position but his mind clear of nightmares and he is glad of that. He finds his friends asleep, except from Harriet who is reading a book in Minho's lap. He raises on his feet and stretches his back walking towards the cabin to make Jorge some company or maybe planning which area they are going to explore first. The man is just looking at the endless ocean around the boat while eating a snack, a map is placed on a little table besides him. He doesn't notice Thomas' presence until the boy is right next to him, patting his shoulder.

"Glad to see ya' awake, hermano" Jorge throws him a smile.

"Do you need some help over here?" Thomas asks walking closer the map and grabbing a marker next to it. "Where do you think we should start?"

"I was thinking on separate this time, ya' know? We have been through this lands a lot of times and this is faster. I doubt we could find something new this time. Sorry for your expectations" The man explains and Thomas' gaze drops to his feet.

"Yeah I know. Sounds a great idea, we could explore everything in half of the usual time. How do you want to do it?"

"We could send the kids from group B with Vince's guys. Then we both lead our guys" Jorge offers.

"You sure? I know we've been with this guys but I don't think we should let them lead the other group."

"Come on Thomas. I know how you feel. But now is not the time for trust issues, hermano. Vince trusts this men just like he trusts us. We could go to the last city and let them the mountains if it makes you feel better" Jorge rolls his eyes.

Thomas makes a hesitant pause, looking at the map one more time before answering. "Alright, we should wake them and tell them. It's lunch time anyways"

"Good" Jorge states and pats Thomas' back one more time before going with the others.

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The group reaches WICKED land three hours after lunch. Jorge parks the boat in the dock and anchors it before everyone jumps out of it, already informed of the search teams and prepared to start their expedition. They have two cars parked on the beach, which they leave specifically for this occasions. Vince helped with all this stuff, the guy knows these lands more than any other and he is the person in charge so he always makes sure no one is private from anything.

Thomas lets out a sigh when he jumps into the back seat of one of the cars, right next to Frypan and Gally, while Minho is wishing good luck to his girlfriend and Brenda is already on the front seat with Jorge. When they are all ready, their trip begins.