ONE WAY RIDE | Maze Runner

➭Chapter 13: One last time

"I don't deserve it, I know I don't deserve it
But stay with me a minute, I swear I'll make it worth it
Can't you forgive me? At least just temporarily
I know that this is my fault, I should have been more careful"

One Last Time – Ariana Grande

▰▱▰▱▰▱

Do you know which one is the worst type of disappointment? The worst type of disappointment is the one that comes the closest to your goal. That moment when every fiber of your body is filled with the most hopeful feeling you've ever had in your life, when you believe a 100% percent that you'll be free in no time, and all your previous problems will be finally gone. Then all that excitement you've built in that really slow process is taken away from you, ripped out of your hands, or in most of the times, your heart. It was like a new part of it, beating at the rhythm of the muscle, stitched to it, and suddenly it's all gone. You feel empty again, and with the emptiness comes the depression, dark thoughts, self-hate. Because you ask yourself, how I could be so stupid to believe I was gonna make it!? How naïve, silly, idiot I could be!? So that's how those negative feelings have the necessity to fill the void. And that's how the worst type of disappointment is.

Thomas was used to think that the worst disease ever was the one that attacked the brain, but not physically like the Flare, it more attacked the mind. It infected your thoughts, replacing them with no very pleasant ones, at all. It stole all your will to move, get out of bed, and even live. So it left you all half dead, like a walking corpse, and damn it was hard to come back.

It felt like Newt's job. He felt bad for letting the blond pick up his pieces. He made it through with him, but now he wasn't there anymore, and he was all alone again.

Literally the worst disease.

▰▱▰▱▰▱

The days were back to repeating themselves. Wake up, think of Newt, barely eat breakfast, imagine what it feels to be out, blood samples, think of Newt, shucking simulations, wonder what his friends were doing, Randall's mocking, barely eat dinner, fall asleep, nightmares about the simulations, think of Newt again. Don't have any sleep.

A living hell.

Randall liked to make reminders about that. Constantly babbling about the perfect like he's going to have once they achieve their so beloved vaccine, once they kill him completely. Thomas had stopped snapping back a while ago, they made sure he didn't do that again with the beauty of a black eye and split lip. The bruises on his skin eventually faded again, but the ones in his heart remained forever, shrinking the organ in the most painful way little by little.

"Having a nice day?" The ugly face of Randall appeared next to his recovery room after another torturous simulation, "You know, I missed you lots. Not having you here, you are our special guest after all.

Thomas didn't answer.

"A man of words I see"

His blood boiled with that fucking smirk.

"You know we're close, and after we make it, we'll get the hell out of here. Maybe in a future we'll give the stupid right arm a lesson. You know, once we restore a couple of things" Randall spoke with that warning form of words.

Thomas clenched his teeth.

"Of course I doubt you'll have a part on this delightful plan. Most of the people here doesn't think you deserve it. After all, you managed to blow a whole city"

"That wasn't me"

"Wasn't it?"

"No"

"Let me refresh your memory, okay? You and your stupid impulsive behavior have always put someone in danger, better said 3ft underground," Randall seemed to enjoy the moment he looked down to avoid tears, "Oh believe me I know a lot of things. Names like Winston, Chuck, Teresa... Even Newt. All killed by your impulsive actions and stupid pride. Or you'll tell me otherwise? After watching you for a long time since you were kid, I saw you growing up to be a leader... Not a good one let me clear out. So with that experience you learn who are the ones you can leave alone and who are the ones that need a little bit of, how to say it... discipline."