Chapter 18

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Walking, Talking, Smiling
Laughing, Breathing, Living
I wonder how much my life is worth
So many unanswerable questions
I don't know what am I doing with my life
Smiling brightly like a sun
Shining on other's like a light
Spreading happiness like a disease
I live every second of my life with fear
I breath in anxiety
Undone sins haunt me
Self blame suffocates me
Regret hugs me
Why do I feel guilty just for being alive?
Just like a fragile mirror
A single touch is enough to shatter me
Even my self is enough to break me
Into pieces that get lost in the void
Numbness fills the hole in my heart
Emptiness colours my emotions
I wonder if the surprise is good or not
When a cake is presented to me, I worry about the unknown poison
Underneath the gift wrap, I wonder about the bomb
Flowers surround my path
Yet I worry about them withering
All the light that surrounds me
Is it just an illusion?
What is this uneasy feeling?
Something bad is going to happen
All thats glittering is going to disappear
Why do I feel so guilty for getting what I deserve?
Always on the verge of tears
I want to run away and hide
I question my cowardliness
Inability to face my reality
I close my eyes with fear
My heart feels like its sinking yet its about to burst
I dont want to live
I want to live my life to the fullest
Just what do I want?
Their invisible words are enough
To make me tremble with fear
As if knives are hitting me
I'm just a scared girl
Trying to survive in this fierce world
I don't want to die but I also want to aim high
Trembling, Shaking, Breathing
Crying, Whimpering, Sobbing
But why I am so scared?
Just what am I scared of?
             ——————Melody_Alyward

These are the girl's thoughts when she has to deal with constant anxiety and unknown guilt. Have you guys ever felt like this? Do vote and comment if you found this interesting 👇🏻❤️❤️❤️

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