Letting Him Go

chapter 3

Zhehan went alone to the cemetery. Simon promised to accompany him but unfortunately he didn't make it. There is an emergency at their company. Zhehan thought about what it is. It was a lie Simon goes to the hospital to visit Jason. A request coming to his ex and he doesn't decline it. 

The cold wind makes Zhehan's heart colder. The emotion that he sees in Simon's face fades little by little. He's afraid that someday he will leave him. He can't bear it damn!. He relay to him so much that he didn't know the exit. Simon helps him a lot to recover from his parents death. 

Without knowing his tears fell. Mom, dad are you waiting for me?. A sad laugh comes out of his lips. Before I even had a disease I didn't feel like being left alone. I didn't feel this kind of pain. From your care and love I was alright. Why did you leave me that early and give me a person who cares for me for just a single time? Can you give me a man who will truly love me and doesn't need to change a heart for me?.

I met him a year ago. I fall from his charm and care. His laugh and the way he looks at me. I drown too deep. I can't swim up anymore. My heart wants to stay in that deep swamp, however my brain wants to get up. Living the pain and taking a new path. Sob.... I can't, I can't leave him. I can't do it. Dang. Mom dad, help me please. It's too painful.

The pain started to rip his heart. Thankfully he had the medicine with him. He took one and swallowed it without water. He leaned on his parents tomb for a while. Closing his eyes with knotted eyebrows. Calming himself by inhaling and exhaling.

He can't drive anymore. He calls Simon to fetch him. He felt relieved when Simon answered the phone.

Hello, I'm still busy. What do you want?.

The cold voice of him and the way he speaks to him makes his heart broken into pieces. He's sobbing again with no sound, afraid to hear it by the man in the other line.

No, I wanted to hear your voice. I missed you. 

What with that sudden emotion?. I will come home later ok. I'll hang up now.

Before Zhehan off the call he hears a man's voice.

Can you fix this for me? I'm too lazy to do it pretty please. The voice is too sweet. The phone slipped on his hand and it scattered on the ground. He can't cry at the front of his parents tomb again. He stood up and walked without direction. No tears fell but it hurt. He wanted to cry to ease the pain inside but the tears betrayed him.

His brain is empty. He doesn't know why but it's really empty. He arrived at the bus station. There are lots of people waiting. People come by and some go by. Sadly he cannot hear their voice. He only hears the siren of the ambulance and the scenario where his parents being rescued come back to his sight. Felt like deja vu. How other families cried and devastated seeing their loved ones with no life. He sees himself crying alone at the side of his parents lying down with their burnt bodies. Crying with no sound. How painful it is for him. He was alone, no one was with him. No one he can rely on comfort him and say everything will be ok. How painful to a young man being left alone after his surgery. He just had a new life and new chapter of his life unfortunately the cost of it is his parents life.

It hurt, he was holding his chest where his heart is. It's too painful. And suddenly he lost consciousness. 

Did Hanhan contact you?. Dai Kun was feeling anxious. It was already dark and Zhehan didn't answer his call. It's a relief if the phone is ringing however it is off.

You're being paranoid again. You cared for him too much, it's not healthy anymore. If you're dating him I can accept the way you act now but no. You didnt so stop bullshiting there. Hanhan has a man beside him. Worry less.

How can I?. He told me that Simon can accompany him today for some problem in their company. He didn't tell me where he's going. Who wouldn't be anxious?.

Bro, you were too obvious.

Yeah i am, what can i do it comes naturally you know. I didn't did  it on purpose, it just came out without me knowing. 

Then your doom.

Who cares?.

Me, I cared about you. You end up hurting yourself. I know you better. Well I am just your friend. Just an advice: don't let yourself drown too much the deeper you drown the more difficult you get up. Miles taps the shoulder of Dai kun and leaves. He was busy at his bar. 

There are lots of customers today. Even though he wanted to chat with him more, he can't. He was worrying about Hanhan too. Knowing that Hanhan is with Simon he didn't worry that much beside money is life.

Simon didn't come home that day. He was clueless of what happened to Zhehan.

That was too deep. Something bothering you?. Jason asked him. He's with Jason. Accompanying him at the hospital as per request of his ex. 

Nope... I was just thinking about why you left me and all of the sudden I knew that you had this disease. 

Jason felt guilty. He sat down, head lying low. I was afraid that you would know it and you would leave me. So I came up with the decision before you will dump me. I will dump you first. 

Believe me it kills me. I regret it. I want to say sorry to you and let's pretend it didn't happen that I didn't say it. I got no chance to say it to you when I got hospitalised and the doctor told me I needed the operation. 

First I didn't want to have surgery. I thought about what was the meaning of my second life if I'm not with you. If you're not with me anymore. I torture myself by not taking my medicine even the painkiller. 

Simon rushed at Jason on the bed and hugged him. Sshh... it's ok hush now. I understand, theres  no need to explain it further. 

You need an explanation. I want to say this too. If i wan to start again i will clear any misunderstanding between us to start anew. No lies, a clean beginning. 

I'm not mad. Sulking yes but that's all and it's not matter anymore seeing you in this kind of situation also causes pain on me. I blame myself for not finding you. If I know that you will suffer I will not leave at your side. I will accompany you. You want it or not, I will stay.

Sorry for hurting you, even though I did it I still love you. I said yes to this surgery because of you. I want us to be what we are before. Can we start all over again?

Simon forgot about Zhehan when he was with Jason. In this case he suddenly remembered Zhehan's smile. His innocent and cute face. His conscience attacked him.

Get better soon and we will talk about this after you recover well.

I want to know your answer. I will be released five days from now. Give me your answer. He demanded.

This is the behaviour that Simon dislikes Jason. He was too demanding. Silly, isn't it enough that I am here accompanying you?.

Jason smiles widely, he misinterprets Simon's words. Simon doesn't mean anything to it. He accompanies him because he was guilty. He's not totally sure if this is called reconcile or whatever one thing is for sure. He was with him because he was his responsibility. Although they broke up, it doesn't have a proper closure.

Simon didn't clear it either. He let Jason hope for something. How can he clear it when his mind is in a mess. He was confused with his feelings. Begore he was sure that he loved Zhehan. Now that Jason appeared again. The love that he buried before popped up again like a mushroom. 

He needs time to think. He needs time to weigh things. Who was the one he truly loved. If who was the one he wants to be with. Right now he doesnt have any answer yet. He can decide and act rushly there was one person who would deeply hurt when he did it. 

Ps. Sorry it took too long for me to have an UD and then I need inspiration to start another chap. This is killing me..😁😁.btw. Thank you for reading. Don't forget to vote please..