Pessimism (Book One)

Chapter 10: The Answer

youtube.com/watch?v=5MtvlTkns5g Some nice music to listen to and read.
What was Almery about to go about? He was waving his hands in there, happy. He was crazy,
"Now, reunite me with..." He was going to say the name. He moved his head closer to Grant's gun. "With Oscar Kiln." Grant fired his gun, and Almery dropped to the ground, dead. Oscar Kiln? Why, why does he have the same name as my father's? I held my mouth. I didn't want to cry. I fell to my knees. That man he killed... he was my father?
"No." I muttered to myself. "He didn't look like him, I would know if it was my father." The tears continued to fall. Grant came to put his hand on my head. "No." I moved his hand. "This isn't for real, this is a joke right?" I laughed in tears. "Right?" I cried. Elaine had a pity look. "I'm dreaming." I convinced myself. My vision was turning dark.
"Ian." Grant's voice echoed in my head. I held my throbbing head. I fell to the ground. Black. I was in an abyss of darkness. I couldn't understand what to feel, but to cry like a weak human being. My vision was coming back. I woke up in my bed. I opened my eyes slowly and then realized where was I? I pushed the blanket off myself. Mother, or at least I thought, was sitting beside my bed.
"What's wrong sweetie?" She asked.
"What happened? Where am I? When did I get here?"
"Oh, Ian, you never left the room. You slept in today. Look at you, you're crying." I got up and looked in the mirror. She was right. Why was I crying? "Sweetie, go back to bed, your father will be home soon." She told me. A hallucination, I dreamt of something, something that felt so real. I knew she wasn't there, but keeping her alive in my mind kept me at ease.
"Father?" I remembered. "Father!" I yelled.
"What is it?"
"I can't explain, all I know is that something terrible will happen to him if I don't' save him." I wore my sweater and in my sweats I ran out the door. It was 11:58. The sky was dark. My head started to throb. Not now. I kept running. I was almost there. Ambulance rushed by me. No, I can't be too late. I ran faster. But I was too late. I came to a scene where everyone was watching something, someone. They surrounded a man, a man that was losing conscious. That was dying. I pushed through the crowd.
"Move, move." I breathed heavily. "He's my father, move." I was started to get dizzy. "Dad?" I bent down to his body. "Dad?" I started to cry.
"Ian." He smiled. He was hurt, I didn't have to time to see how. "How are you doing kid?" This was no time for his games.
"Dad. Dad, you can't die."
"Ian." He laughed. I kept trying to help him up. "Ian." He took my hands. "It's my time, Ian."
"No. No dad, you were alive just a few days ago dad, don't die!" I yelled.
"Listen Ian, before I go." He pulled my arm. "Don't," He was having trouble breathing. "Don't let Almery die." Almery? "And, find your uncle, Ian. He'll tell you everything."
"What are you talking about dad? Stop this nonsense!" I cried.
"Don't cry anymore Ian. I am your father and I will always be your father. You mustn't cry anymore. Please do that, live on, please do that, as my final wish." He told me. He looked up and slowly closed his eyes.
"Dad? Dad?" I felt his pulse. It was gone. "Dad!? No, dad!?" I sobbed. The nurses pulled me aside and the other people too. "Get off me! He's my father." I cried. "Dad, don't leave me like mom! Don't die! You can't leave me, don't leave me, dad!" I stopped resisting from the grasp of the people and I cried as I was taking away from my father, farther and farther. I lost him, like I lost my mother. They had died in my presence, in my eyes, I had seen them both leave me, by the one I envy most now, death. I watched as people cried and felt pity for me. Parents stared, kids laughed, adults cried and everyone felt pity. I was alone, once again, I lost to the power of god. To the power we so desire. I lost to death, a void in our hearts that's filled when our ends are met. They say every ending is a beginning to a new start, it's just the ending and the beginning of more ends, to tell the story from the beginning until we end. Good-bye dad. I love you.

I was in my home, even mother was gone. I was alone. Dad's funeral would begin in an hour. I couldn't get up and go. It would go against all my beliefs. I am not ready to say goodbye to him. I was in my black suit. My father had bought it for me. It was for career day. It looked to me like a gift. I looked at the closet where he should be. I watched, from my bed, the time when I was just a kid and father would dress me.
"I don't want to where that one." I would say.
"Come on Ian. I have to go to work. So let's hurry up." He was always impatient with me. Mother came in.
"Come on Oscar." She was talking to my dad. "Can't dress your kid." She smiled.
"Mommy!" I ran to her. I was in my underwear. She hugged me.
"Let's go Ian." She would put the clothes on me and I would listen.
"You just got lucky." Dad will say. "I calmed him for you."
"Or maybe I am just a better parent." Mother laughed. He kissed her and said.
"I got to go now baby. I'll home for dinner."
"Be safe. It's a big world out there you know." She laughed. "Come on Ian, you'll be late for you first kindergarten class." She took me by the hands. We walked out the room. As they did, they vanished. I looked up at the ceiling. I didn't want to remember all these memories, but they kept filling into my head. Everywhere I looked, I would remember the good times I had with them. I got up and walked to the kitchen. I poured myself a glass of milk and sat on the stool. I looked out the glass pane doors that viewed my backyard. Father and I would play hide and seek, chase, and ball. I watched as we did. Then, sure enough, they disappeared too. I looked away, keeping myself from crying. I finished my glass and put it into the empty sink. It has been a day since dad's death and now I have to go to his funeral. Maybe it would be good to have the light hit my skin, but then I'll be stepping into the world that took my father from me. Dad told me to fins someone. An uncle. I never even knew I had an uncle. Maybe I'd find him there. Dad also said to not kill someone. But I couldn't remember the name. I took my coat and threw it over me. I stepped outside. I looked up at the shining sun. I'd be leaving now, leaving and entering a world full of loneliness. Where I have to say goodbye all the time. I continued out the door. The wet ground was vaporizing into the air. The scent of moisture and rain filled the air.
"Ian." A voice would call in my head. It was father's voice. I could still hear him. Even now, when he is dead.
People were walking into the funeral house. Some I didn't even know. I kept my eyes peeled for my uncle. I never met him before. In the funeral house I can see the coffin my father was in. Their was a picture of him, representing who died, as if making my grieve feel worse. It was quiet, not one person spoke. I heard some sniffles in the back. The man standing upon the podium had just finished talking and they carried my father into the backyard. They had displayed a bunch of flowers and a table for the coffin. They put him down and threw a white sheet over it. That was it. I would never see him again. I started to cry and managed to hold in my sobs. He was the only one I had closest to me. I fell asleep under a tree. It was peaceful and quiet. I didn't know what I was dreaming about, but felt as if I needed to remember something, like the way I figured out how my dad was dying and the exact spot.
"Wake up, Ian." A man shook me. It was one of my dad's best friends. I haven't seen him since I was only a child. "Need a ride home?" He offered.
"How long was I out?" I looked around and everyone was gone. They had left me to weep.
"They all left. Let's go I'll give you a ride home."
"That's okay." I insisted.
"Come on, who knows what you'll do on your own now." He protested. I finally agreed and got into his car. He drove me home and I left the car. He rolled the window and called me.
"Hey, Ian?" I looked back. "If you ever need a place to stay, you know where to find me." He smiled. I waved goodbye. I was better off alone.
"Alright." I got into the house and poured myself a glass of water. I needed to remember something that I was forgetting. It doesn't matter now. It's Sunday and tomorrow school will come. I have to get my rest soon. I couldn't remember feeling happy the last time I stepped into that school. Maybe I shouldn't even bother. No, I have to. I can't and sit around the house not doing anything. Like my father said, he doesn't want me to cry no more. That night I cried. I was in despair. I was alone. I was broken. I wish uncle can find me soon. And closure.