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Part 22. Alex

'I'm going back to 505
If it's a seven-hour flight or a forty-five minute drive
In my imagination, you're waiting lying on your side
With your hands between your thighs.'

Goddamn. His voice was filling the air with the long-forgotten and hurtful emotion. His fingers were playing guitar, forgetting to notify him of it, and the whole arena started to sing along with him. Thousands and thousands of lighters somewhere along the way, where the sight was able to catch them were moving rhythmically in sync, composing waves in the darkness of the late evening. Making the picture in front of him looking like the sea of blinding sparkles.

What concert it was and what was the time he wasn't completely sure of. Thinking about it was the worst thing to do so he just closed his eyes, getting closer to the microphone.

'Stop and wait a sec,
when you look at me like that, my darling, what did you expect?'

He wasn't fully aware why this time it felt so hard to handle everything around. The words he sang too many times for some reason felt more painful than usual and when he thought he was accustomed to it, he was actually the furthest from it. The song wasn't even about her.

But oh wait, lately, everything had been about her.

'I'd probably still adore you with your hands around my neck
Or I did last time I checked.'

Another month went by but nothing really changed. God only knew how many Zoes he'd already met on the road and how many apartments he'd visited, trying to escape the heavy feeling in his chest.

The feeling that was only growing.

'Not shy of a spark
The knife twists at the thought that I should fall short of the mark.'

That night wasn't an exception. There, on the stage with so many people singing along the lyrics, he could feel something falling apart. For the last few weeks, the image of Lili's face faded a little in front of his eyes and that terrible fact was only making him more frustrated. Back in the days, everything seemed to fall into the valley of his own plan but now it was exactly the opposite. No plan, no desire, no...

Nothing.

'Frightened by the bite, though it's no harsher than the bark
The middle of adventure is such a perfect place to start.'

Arctic Monkeys were halfway through the tour and he thought it would've been a perfect place to start a new habit of forgetting her voice. The crowd in front of his eyes now often became distant and blurred, mixing with the images he actually didn't want to throw away. She was everywhere even when he didn't think about her. Even when he didn't remember her name, hiding in the shadows of his one-night stands.

'I'm going back to 505
If it's a seven-hour flight or a forty-five minute drive.'

He lowered his eyes at the guitar to concentrate on the music, though, it was making it even worse. Singing those words, he found himself really wanting to go back to that place.

That place he mindlessly used to call "Lili's apartment".

'In my imagination, you're waiting lying on your side
With your hands between your thighs.'

Alex's eyes traveled to the ocean of people in front of him, admiring the lighters and something in that picture was mesmerizing to the hurt in his chest. And the thought of her sad expression and loving honey eyes couldn't be pushed away.