Not interested

Part 5

A late evening was marvellous even though I decided that I didn't like February at all. I would say that it was mostly because I was in a wait state for spring hoping that when it finally came I would stop being an unlucky writer as well as a hopeless fool. Then maybe, I would write a bestseller and resist Alex.

But that were only dreams. For the beautiful today, I got a freezing winter weather and an invitation to Matt's birthday which was, unfortunately, just an excuse to see someone else. It's funny how cynically it sounded but there was no way to avoid the truth.

I felt excited somehow. After our little conversation with Alex near the bar, I was in a positive mood like he was the one who could actually cheer me up not making an effort, just being himself. Thinking about him in a good way was dangerous of me. However, I didn't have any expectations. I just wanted to see him and it seemed like a satisfaction. The only thing was that everything that came to Alex was never enough and I was, as usual, just lying to myself.

Since I've entered Matt's house, I've been convincing myself that I shouldn't look for Alex in the crowd. But it was really hard to do. This party was an exact opposite of the Jule's one. The music was loud and I assumed that was a mix of different styles. Every song was from a new genre and I couldn't catch anything familiar for me. The house was almost dark illuminated by neon lights and there were a bunch of people around. If you asked me, I would consider it as a classical party where nobody cared about nothing and that was the main thing. The attributes of it were an alcohol to drink, dances to dance and talks to forget but I couldn't complain. All of it was just a background for something bigger and I let myself join it as if it was something inherent for me. It clearly wasn't, though.

'Lili, I'll go greet my friends at the front door. You'll be OK?' I heard Matt saying with an attractive open smile as we were standing in the middle of the party chatting. Everything seemed to be normal but I was a little nervous. The lights were dim so I couldn't see everything properly. Or should I say, everybody?

'Yeah, of course. I'll have fun by myself' I smiled back to him with a reassuring expression on my face. Honestly, I didn't want to be alone at a party where I knew nobody but it was Matt's party and I didn't want to be selfish.

Matt nodded with a pleased look and went away leaving me bored. Even though I wanted him to stay with me and continue our talk, I had to admit that it was more like a torture because I couldn't ask Matt about Alex.

Oh, life would be easier, if we just asked each other everything directly.

'Lili, is that you? I am so glad to see you again!' suddenly I heard someone speaking behind my back and I turned around only to see Jule's bright eyes and a friendly smile. I laughed at his attempts to hug me as tightly as he could.

'Yeah, I am here. What's new? How is your recent work?' I asked with a genuine interest which obviously flattered my silver-haired friend.

'Wonderful. Recently I've been really inspired by Van Gogh's work which adds some post-impressionistic overtones to my paintings and that's what I am glad about' Jule's eyes were sparkling with a mention of his work which really impressed me. I've never seen people so in love with what they do.

'Great' I stated smiling brightly at him. This man had a very interesting personality which let him be one of the best interlocutors that I've ever had. 'Then you should also discover more about Monet's paintings. The impressionists are my favourite'

'No doubts' he answered nodding at me simply. 'But how about you? I've heard you had some problems' he furrowed his brow in concern looking at me.

'Yeah...' I opened my mouth to explain everything but the words stuck in my throat when unintentionally my glance travelled behind Jule's shoulder and found the only one reason that I was nervous today. And the name of the reason was nothing else but "Alex".