Already Gone

Already Gone - 12.

Song on the right kind of, for me anyway, sums up Mia's feelings for both James and Ryan over the years. Maybe you'll agree...

The words rang in my head. "Mia, he's dead." There were a million questions I needed to ask. How? When? Was he alone? Was someone with him? But I couldn't. "Mia? Are you okay?"

"Teddy I'm so sorry. I'll come over later. I just... God I'm sorry."

"Mia, I know you two were getting divorced. But you are still his wife; I called because you were the one constant person in his life these past four years. I know wherever he is now, he's sorry." I burst into tears and put the phone down.

I walked downstairs and sat on the chair James and I slept on just over a week ago. I sat there and cried. Not only sad tears, but tears of freedom. He can't hurt me anymore. I sat in a daze watching the sun come up over the ocean.

I didn't notice when James came home. He sat in the chair next to me and took my hand. "What are you thinking Mimi?"

"My husband is dead." The words seemed to flow naturally out of my mouth.

"Shit, Mia. I'm sorry. Is there anything I can do?"

"Watch Jamie. I'm going to the house." I looked up at him with sad eyes. He simply nodded and went inside.

In less than two weeks, I've lost my husband twice, got James back in my life and left the only home I've had in four years. James brought me out a glass of water and an aspirin. I took his hand and we climbed into bed.

 

I woke the next morning to find Jamie sandwiched between us, her beautiful green eyes staring back at mine. James was lightly snoring away. I looked at the clock and it was just before noon. I sighed and rolled out of bed, grabbing Jamie as I rolled along. “Momma?” I looked at her and smiled.

“What honey?”

“I love you.” I laughed and kissed her. James had taken her shopping yesterday and she managed to get him to buy her Lucky Charm cereal. I chopped some fruit and mixed it up in a bowl before making a piece of French toast. We sat outside eating breakfast in the sun. Thoughts of Ryan were racing through my head. I need to tell Jamie something. “Daddy!” Jamie interrupted my thoughts and jumped off the chair. I turned behind me to see James yawning, wearing only a pair of shorts.

“Wow!” He pretended to be winded when Jamie ran to him. “Well good morning princess. Morning Mimi.” I laughed and rolled my eyes. “What time are you going?” I put the last piece of fruit on my mouth and told him im going to take a shower now. “So it’s just you and me Jamie. What do you want to do?” She shrugged her shoulders and looked at me.

“Where are you going momma?”

“I’m going to see one of my friends baby. I won’t be gone too long.” I kissed her head and kissed James too. I smiled as I ran upstairs to take a shower.

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As I got out of the car and walked towards the front door of what used to be my home I took a deep breath. It felt strange as I knocked on my own door. Ryan’s brother, Anthony answered. He looked up and down my body making me uncomfortable. His family are used to me covering up, today I have tight jeans, black heels and a whit tunic. Sitting with the family was awkward. His mom threw me dirty looks the whole time.

When I’d finished the disgusting cup of coffee that she had made me, I headed up to my bedroom. My rings were on the bedside cabinet. I heard footsteps behind me, when I turned I was surprised to see Dan. He gave me a sad smile before hugging me. “Mia, you look great. How is Jamie?”

“She doesn’t know about Ryan. She’s happy with her dad. What happened?” We sat on my bed and he took a deep breath. He explained how after the papers were signed he wanted to go out and celebrate his freedom. Dan, Ryan and Anthony hit a couple of bars before Ryan left them to score some drugs. I never knew exactly what he took and I always maintained I did not want to know. I still don’t want to know now, but Dan said he took something he’s never tried before. He took too much.

I sat there nodding. Dan took my hand and we walked back downstairs. “Mia, where is Jamie? I need my granddaughter.” Ryan’s mom sobbed, pathetically, in the corner.

“Um, Jamie, isn’t your granddaughter. She’s not Ryan’s daughter.” She gasped, overdramatically. I hate this woman. I looked at a photograph of the three of us on the fireplace and picked it up. I walked slowly to her. “Look at us, does she look like him at all?” She slapped the picture of out my hands and it smashed against the wall. “I won’t be at the funeral. This is as far as my goodbye goes.” I hugged Teddy and whispered for him to call me if he needs anything.

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“Hey baby.” I picked up Jamie as I walked through the door. “Me and you need to talk okay?” I had to tell her something. I took her upstairs and sat her on her bed. “It’s about Ryan.” She looked at me and nodded. “He’s moved away from here. We won’t be seeing him ever again. He says he’s sorry for scaring you, but he loves you okay. He’ll think about you all the time.”

I felt bad for lying, but what could I say? Ryan is in heaven when she knows he’s a bad man? I will tell her the truth when she’s older and only if she remembers. “Are you okay baby?” She nodded and kissed me.

“Love you momma.” I smiled and told her I love her too. She ran out of the bedroom shouting for daddy. I called my mom and told her everything about Ryan. Then I called Clarice. Both wanted to come over and check on me but I told them I’m fine. Looking out the bedroom window I saw everything I ever needed. My beautiful baby girl and the love of my life. When Jamie was in bed later that night, I sat in the lounge drinking a glass of wine.

I was watching James through the window talking on the phone. He’d made at least seven phone calls in the last hour. I couldn’t help but smile every time he looked through the window at me. When he was finally done, I grabbed him a beer from the kitchen and we sat in a comfortable silence together. He wrapped his arm around my shoulder and pulled me closer.

“Do you want to talk about it?” I shook my head.

That part of my life was over now. I have a new future to look toward.