Cheating is Too Easy

Chapter Nine: It Won't End Well For You

Chapter Nine: It Won’t End Well For You

     “She’s prettier than I’ll ever be. Got yourself a beauty queen, yeah. But there’s one thing I gotta say. She can love you good, but I can f*ck you betta-etta-etta-etta-etta-etta-ay!”

     That’s the joy of walking into the apartment while Becca is cleaning. “I’m home!” I called out. She didn’t seem to have heard me.

     “I know she’s perfect and worth it, I bet she’s beautiful. But can she love you and touch you until you go. You keep on tryin’ to hide it but we both know-ow. She can love you good, but I can—.”

     “Becca!”

     She stopped wiping the counter and looked at me with hostility. “What do you want? Every time I’m really getting into a song, you interrupt me. It’s like you don’t like my beautiful voice or something.”

     I could only roll my eyes at that point. “What’s for dinner?”

     “Are you telling me that you just ruined my moment because your stomach is shouting profanities at you?” she asked with her hands on her hips.

     “Yes, so what’s for dinner?”

     “I don’t know. What did you want to have? I have to watch what I eat. Apparently, the models in L.A. are skinnier than the ones over here.”

     “Just eat an apple afterwards. It’ll speed up your metabolism and burn whatever you eat. Plus, I was thinking about heading to the gym tonight.”

     She looked at me skeptically. “Are you going to the gym to work out or to tan?”

     “What’s the difference? Either way, I’m going to the gym.”

     “Let me get a bag together real quick and we’ll go.”

     We found a nice Italian restaurant a few blocks from our apartment. I just so happened to know the owner, so we got really good seats by the window. After choosing our meals, we sipped away at our drinks.

     “I’m going to miss you,” I stated behind a mouthful of bread.  She laughed at me. “What’s so funny about that?” I asked after I had washed down the bread.

     “Jasmin, you are the most unemotional person I know. I was just caught off guard by your statement.”

     I began to sulk. “Well my statement was sincere, you assholio.”

     “Assholio? What in the world is that supposed to mean?”

     “It’s an asshole only the word has more meaning because I added my own phraseology to it.”

     “Sometimes I wonder what planet you came from.”

     I spread my arms out in exaggeration. “Well, wonder no longer, my dear. I shall share my dread secret with you.”

     “Please, please, please tell me, oh wise one.” She looked at me in anticipation with a slight twinkle in her eye.

     I leaned in close, motioning her forward with my pointer finger. “If I tell you, you’re not allowed to tell another soul.” She nodded her head enthusiastically. “I’m from planet… I-don’t-give-a-flying-rat’s-ass.” I then leaned back and stuffed my face with another roll.

     “Seriously? That’s it? Planet I-don’t-give-a-flying-rat’s-ass?”

     “Yup.”