Lilac's Lies

31

"Lilac, do you need help?" Roman asked me, and I started to panic again.

He had been silent for minutes now, minutes that seemed like hours. The two of us simply standing in this empty library, looking at each other. Tears were streaming down my face, and the reason why was simple. Tears were falling because I couldn't do the one thing I needed to do. I couldn't say the one thing that I needed to say, which was you're wrong.

He was right, he was completely right, and I think he knew it as much as I did.

"Help?" I repeated his last word, though I think I was just trying to buy myself time.

"Yes," Roman responded, his hands were still placed lightly on my shoulders. I wasn't sure if he placed them there just so that I didn't run away. I might have, I should have. It might have been the easiest way to avoid this conversation. Though, I had a feeling that Roman wouldn't let this go. Even if I managed to slip away, run back into the party, I had a feeling Roman would be right behind me.

"I can help you, Lilac," Roman continued, taking my silence as a confirmation, "you don't have to be treated like this. Do you need help?"

"I..." I started, but I couldn't finish because I had no words besides the truth. "I don't know."

Roman looked saddened by my answer, his lips turning downwards, just slightly. As if he didn't want me to see what he was feeling. I didn't know what to say next. I didn't know why I wasn't fighting his words, fighting his assumptions. I could only think, even though I didn't want to think it at all, that maybe there was a part of me that wanted Roman to know. Maybe there was a part of me that wanted him to know everything.

Maybe it was because I saw the way he struck Jesse down, so effortlessly. All it took was a single punch from Roman to knock Jesse to his ass. The same Jesse that I was terrified of, the same Jesse that had done the very same thing to me. Maybe it was the way he spoke after he did it, he had such emotion in his words that I easily believed him.

But, maybe it was simply because I was tired of lying to everyone.

"Okay," Roman said soothingly, his hands beginning to move up and down the sides of my arms, "Lilac, can I take you somewhere? Can I take you home?"

I tensed at the word home, because I knew Jesse. I knew Jesse and I knew how incredibly pissed off he was going to be, once he came to and realized he had been knocked out in front of the whole school. He would be seething, and I'm his favourite punching bag. Whether it be tonight or tomorrow, I knew I would be the one to pay for this.

"I don't want to go home," I told him, and his hands stopped in their motions, just for second, before they started again.

"That's fine," he said without missing a beat, though the look in his eyes was hesitant. "I can take you anywhere you want."

"Okay," I agreed instantly, surprising myself completely. I must have surprised Roman just the same, because his eyebrows shot upwards.

"Okay," he repeated, and he stared at me for just a second longer. His eyes were still narrowed, a crease forming between his brows. He was looking at me like one would look at a piece of writing that doesn't quite make sense. Like he was trying to unscramble the jumble of misspelled words so he could understand.

His hands left my arms, except one of them. That one simply moved, his fingers grasping around my elbow instead. Like I was had been turned to stone long ago and was finally unfrozen, my limbs stiff and ridged and unknowing how to move again, he pulled me forward tentatively.