Lilac's Lies

44

"Six weeks ago?" I echoed Clara, not believing my own ears. "Six fucking weeks ago?"

"That's what it says," Clara confirmed. She was staring at the screen, the edges of her lips pointing down. I knew what she was feeling, because it was the same thing I was feeling.

Complete betrayal.

I had always pictured betrayal to feel hot, like a burn but inside you; it didn't. It felt like my insides had been frozen into one giant icicle, jammed down my throat. It was ice cold, and it hurt. It fucking hurt.

"Let me see," I grabbed the laptop from her, needing to see it with my own eyes. The stitches in my hands burned in protest, but I didn't pay any attention to the pain. I needed to see this to believe it. I dragged my eyes down the walls of letters until I found the small addition at the bottom, and there it was in black and white.

Closed August 31, 2019.

Like all of the blood in my body instantly rushed towards my feet, the disgusting knowledge of what happened filtered through me. I tried to think of the end of August, the shock taking hold of me completely.

It didn't take long to pull back those memories. I remember the five of us meeting in Jesse's car. It was the last time Khalil met with us, before he started to drift away, ignoring us almost completely.

It's funny how we can see things so much clearer when we're looking backwards. The things that floated past our vision, not noticed even though they now seemed glaringly obvious. The small behaviour changes. The subtle gestures and glances. The smiles where there should be no smiles. The anger when there should be no anger. I could see them now, replaying it all in my head. Jesse and Brett were less scared after that day. They were less worried about themselves and more worried about Clara and I. They didn't center their own feelings any longer, they only focused on ours.

"Those mother fucking assholes," Clara seethed, seemingly regaining control of her emotions once more. "Those fucking idiots."

"Why would they do this?" I looked up at her, I knew what I should be feeling.

I should be feeling happy that I was no longer a part of this nightmare. I should be angry that Brett and Jesse had been lying to Clara and I. But I couldn't focus on those feelings, because I was only feeling hurt instead.

I've known for a long time that Jesse was a bad person. Of course, I've known. I've known that he doesn't love me and I've known that he can't control his temper.

But this... this was cruel. This, this was torture. They had been torturing us, playing with us. Blackmailing us. Making us believe that we killed someone. And for what? What was their motive?  What reason could they possible have for playing with our minds and our emotions this way?

"Call Khalil," I told Clara, noticing the way my voice had become monotone; emotionless.

"What? Why?" Clara asked me, obviously surprised. "He did this too! He could have told us."

"No, Clara, he tried to tell me. Jesse had something on him, but he tried. I need to hear it. I need to hear it because I can't believe they could be so cruel," I told her, gesturing for her to pick up her phone. "Please call him."

"Okay, okay," Clara muttered, tapping on her phone. "I don't think he's going to tell us anything, though."

"Put it on speaker," I told her.

I watched the phone as I heard the trilling through the speaker. I felt stuck, both physically and mentally. My mind wasn't letting me process what was happening, my body was stiff in disbelief. I didn't take my eyes off the phone as I watched it ring, and just when I thought he wasn't going to answer, he did.