Lilac's Lies

50

"I didn't know."

Both Clara and mine's heads turned towards the door, Clara's hand halting it's movements completely. She had been painting my nails, a deep red colour that she had picked out. She said I needed some kind of colour, she said everything was too pale here in the hospital.

I was surprised to see Khalil standing there, a frown on his face. His hands were holding up a bouquet- purple hydrangeas. He looked like the Khalil I had been accustomed to seeing these last couple weeks, his clothes were wrinkled, and he looked like he hadn't sleep. Yet, I could see his eyes were lighter than they were the last time I saw him.

Clara instantly pushed the top of the nail polish back into the bottle, screwing it shut tightly. "I'll give you some privacy."

The two of them exchanged knowing glances as they walked by each other. While Clara walked through the open door, Khalil walked to my bed. He placed the vase of purple flowers on my side table, then he looked around awkwardly, like he wasn't sure what to do with his body. Finally, he took a seat in the chair that Clara had been sitting on. He looked at me, his eyes looked like they were saying a million words, but his mouth didn't move.

"You didn't know?" I prompted him, raising my eyebrows, but even that small movement caused the headache in my skull to throb. If I thought he pain was bad yesterday, today was even worse.

"I didn't know Jesse was like that, Lilly. You have to believe me. If I did, I would have told you sooner. I didn't know," Khalil explained, averting his glance and looking towards his feet.

"I get it, Khalil," I told him instantly, "I understand who Jesse is. He's a manipulator. I understand why you didn't tell me, though I'd be lying if I didn't say I wish you told me sooner."

"I know. I know, and I'll regret it for the rest of my life," Khalil rushed out, "I'm so sorry. I felt like I could have prevented this all. Everything, if I just told you sooner. I should have just faced the consequences."

"Khalil," I lightly touched his hand, "he didn't do this because of you. He did it because he's a bad person."

Khalil looked down at my hand, like he was surprised that I was touching him, "I thought you'd be mad at me. I thought you would never want to speak to me again."

I was about to answer when the nurse came in, so I closed my mouth instead. She waved a hand as if in apology, before she walked up to my IV. "I'm just going to give you your next dose of morphine, Lilly."

I nodded, watching as she pressed the syringe of medicine into the IV machine. She held the see through tube that was connected to my arm, looking at it closely, before she smiled and walked back out the door. I felt the pull of the drugs instantly, my eyes fluttering as I felt the wave of euphoria take over.

"Sorry," I said, lightly shaking my head from side to side. "I forgot what we were talking about."

Khalil's frown turned into a smile, he chuckled lightly. "I was saying that you should hate me."

"I don't hate you Khalil. It wasn't your fault," I assured him, his words reminding me of our conversation.

"Listen, Lilly... I know it's the right time, but I have to tell you. I've waited years to tell you," Khalil rushed out, and though I had an idea of what he was going to say, I waited patiently for his words.

"You probably already know, but... I've had feelings for you for years," Khalil told me, and he looked back down at my hand, before hesitantly grabbing it with his own. "You're so beautiful, and funny, and smart."

"Khalil," I muttered, frowning slightly. "I don't know what to say."

Khalil looked at me again, his lips rolling together. "It's okay, I didn't expect you to say anything. I didn't expect you to return those feelings, I just had to tell you."

"I've never really thought of you like that," I said honestly. "I didn't think you thought of me like that, either."

"You've only ever seen Jesse, I'm not surprised," he told me, but not in a rude way. "And now... it's him, isn't it? Roman?"

I raised my eyebrows, though my head was starting to buzz, I was still surprised by his assumption. "How did you know?"

"It was obvious. I knew as soon as Jesse hit you. You probably didn't see him, but the way he ran to you, and the way he hit Jesse... it was pretty clear that he's crazy about you. So, it's okay. Are you together now?"

"I don't know," I said honestly, "I don't know anything. Everything is complicated. I don't know if we'll ever be together."

Khalil tilted his head, his face scrunched in confusion, "why?"

I was about to answer when I heard a knock on the door. I turned my head, my breath trapping in my lungs as I saw Roman standing there. He was leaning against the open door, a small white teddy bear in his hands. I blushed suddenly, unaware of how much he heard.

Khalil cleared his throat, suddenly pulling his hand away from mine. He took up, almost knocking the chair over in his haste, "I'll see you later Lilly, and once again, I'm so sorry."

Khalil cast his eyes on the ground as he walked passed Roman, no doubt intimidated by his large stature. Roman didn't seem affected, his face unchanged as he eyed Khalil with an uninterested look on his face. Once he was gone, Roman turned towards me. The uninterested look was gone as he approached me, I opened my mouth to greet him, but the words didn't leave my mouth.

Roman placed the bear gently on my bed, and with his now empty hands, he gently placed them on either side of my face. His touch was light, like I was made of the most delicate material. His lips pressed against mine, like a feather the way they brushed against my own. My breath was lost, torn from my body as he pulled away.

"Hi," he whispered, his hands leaving my face and finding my shoulders instead.

"Hi," I breathed out, closing my eyes as I felt the drugs begin to kick in further.

"Are you okay?" He asked me, and I could tell it wasn't just something he was saying because it was expected of it; he meant it.

I hesitated, deciding I was officially done with lying. "No."

Roman frowned, his gorgeous blue eyes softening. "I know, but you will be."

"I will be," I repeated, starting to fight the force that was pulling me to sleep. Each blink I took was becoming longer and longer.

"Are you?" I asked him, remembering Clara's words. He had been arrested, and it was all because of me. "I'm so sorry you got arrested."

"Lilac, don't ever be sorry. I'd do the same thing every time. It's not your fault, it's his. Did you expect me to do nothing?" Roman asked me, one of his hands leaving my shoulders and running down my long hair instead.

"I never know what to expect from you," I told him truthfully.

"Yes, you do." Roman argued, and he smiled. A small smile, but a sincere one.

"What's going to happen? Will you get out of it?" I asked him, fearing the worst. I would hate myself if he had to go to jail. He was 18 after all, he could be facing real time.

"Maybe," Roman answered, and though the single world concerned me deeply, he didn't seem to be concerned at all.

I sighed, regretting deeply everything that happened.

"Hey," Roman whispered, his hand falling down my neck. He wrapped his hand around it, his fingers placed against the nape of my neck. "It was worth it. And don't worry, I have a good lawyer."

"I hope Jesse doesn't," I muttered, my breaths becoming slower. I was floating again.

Roman's eyes flashed red again, just for a second, at the mention of him. "Whatever happens, we'll get through it. And I'll be there with you, if you want me to be."

"Of course I want you to be," I answered, "but you won't be."

"What? Why?"

"My mom," I breathed out, closing my eyes at last. "She started looking for new jobs last week, you know, after the bathroom incident. She found one. It's far away, she accepted it after yesterday. We have to be there next week."