After the War: The White Wolf of Doranelle (Fenrys Moonbeam)

Chapter 26: I'm sorry in advance my readers

4000+ words in 4 days; let's gooo

(next chapter might take a little long to post as a result)

Aelin

The Queen of Terrasen groaned loudly.

"Sleep, Aelin," Rowan said as his mate's face planted into their bed.

"He's been gone for three weeks," she said into the sheets.

"I know, Fireheart," Rowan said, rubbing her back. "But he's strong--"

"What if he's dead?" Aelin cut in.

Rowan sighed, "Well then you would know that, and he isn't."

"The bond was silent for more than two weeks and now it's just distant," Aelin mumbled. She curled herself into a ball. "I miss him."

Rowan scooped her up and brought his mate into his arms. "He's been through a lot, he'll be okay."

"That's the point," Aelin said into Rowan's neck. "He's been through a lot, too much, and I'm stuck here, not doing anything--"

"What are you going to do, Aelin? Hop on a boat and sail to each country and search it head to toe for him?"

"Sounds like a plan to me," Aelin murmured, taking in his scent as Rowan stroked her back.

He pressed a kiss to her head, "We're doing everything we can. Hell Lys and Aedion should be in the Southern Continent by now, if not still travelling there. And they have the biggest spy network there, if anyone is going to find them, it's going to be them."

Aelin sniffled, "If we still don't know where he is by now, then we aren't doing enough, so how about I--"

"No."

"You don't even know what I was going to say."

"You have work, Aelin," Rowan said. "And so do I. And now we have to cover for Fenrys's as well. You blindly walking around is going to get us no were. You're more of a help here, in Orynth. Fenrys will be okay."

"And if he's not? If we find him like how he was after the war, or worse?"

It took probably two years before Aelin could sleep at night and not stress about Fenrys. And Rowan knew this and had seen how much anxiety it gave her, along with his own worry of their brother. And although he might not have helped as directly as Aelin did, he would still make sure that he wasn't alone when things got bad. And it wasn't like Fenrys was doing this to himself selfishly, gods no it was the opposite.

After the war ended, all of the abuse and rape Fenrys had suffered at the hands of Maeve hit him like a brick. Especially with the failure of Connall's death and everything he witnessed during those two months. He suffered with the mindset that being alive and happy was being selfish, and still struggled with it, just not to the same extent.

And at the very least Aelin didn't have to worry about him taking his own life anymore. When work demanded that Aelin and Rowan leave Orynth for a few weeks, and Fenrys wasn't in a stable place on the inside she put the order for him not be able to take his own life, only as a last resot. And hasn't retracted it since. Nor has Fenrys asked her, or held any long term gruge aginst it;.

"He's better now, Fireheart," Rowan said gently, Aelin squeezing him. "And we know how to help him if it comes to that."

Rowan brought her down with him as he laid on the bed. "We just have to pray that he'll come home safe," Rowan said softly, Aelin's head on his chest.