The Book Of Anna & English

24 - Chasing Cars

Hello you amazing little ducks

Triggers:

- Anxiety attack

The first part of this chapter was the hardest to write so far, I hope everyone is okay and keeping healthy.

***

It feels like the sun has a personal vendetta against me.

***

Anna

I need your grace, to remind me, to find my own.

I lose the fight.

The moment my bedroom door opens, and I nearly fall inside with a gasp, I know it's over. Like a sucker punch to the temple, I fall to my knees, wrapping my arms around my torso, my forehead resting against the ground as I struggle to breathe.

That's a lot of carbs, Anna. Like a physical fight, a jab to the chin, Dustin's lips on mine without permission. Well, are you Anna? That one goes straight to my stomach.

I know I have to get up before it's too late; I need to move before the last light leaves me. My thighs shake underneath me as I plant one foot on the ground, straightening my spine and the other one follows until I'm standing. My heart is made of lead, so heavy, my blood is replaced with hydrochloric acid because I'm burning from the inside.

There's a knock on my door, but I turn away from the sound, hoping to God I locked it. It's relentless, knuckles against the wood. "Please go away," I whisper, but it's too soft; no one will hear me, the voices in my head loud, a stark contrast.

"Anna Rose, please, please let me in." I shake my head, holding onto my drawer for stability; the world spins, my eyes close. "No." Another soundless sentence.

His palms slam against the door. "Please, Anna... Sugar baby, please." His pleading sends arrows through my heart, each one hitting a different spot, the blood seeping through my shirt like a waterfall.

"Go away, Harry, just go away." My breathing is irregular. It's humid, and the sweat is dripping off me, but my teeth clamp together from shaking.

"Please, Anna Rose, it's for me. Do it for me, I beg you." He's yelling now; something cracks against his palm, and I slide down the wardrobe. I swipe my hair off my forehead, gather them, and pile them on top of my head. My hands hold them there.

"Okay. You can come in." That is all I manage, focusing on my breathing, trying to get it back to normal, my head between my knees, my spine bending in an uncomfortable position.

The sound of the door handle turning, another slam to the wood. "Anna, it's locked." My body is floating around. I need pressure, water to pull me down into numbness.

"I can't." My voice cracks, tethering on edge, my vision starting to fade against the background, the bile rising in my throat. "Yes, you can, come one, Anna Rose, get up."

Try as I might, my body won't move, the synopses don't connect, and my commands are unanswered. "I can't do it." I choke on the stifling air around me, defeated, feeling the darkness seep into every pore.

It hurts so bad. I just can't get the air in, no matter how hard I try. I lose control of my muscles, slumping to the ground on my side. I roll onto my stomach, my palms spread out on the tiles, the cold feeling good against my overheated skin.

PLAY CHASING CARS BY SNOW PATROL

Another crack, Harry swearing under his breath, seconds later, and his face comes into view, mirroring my position where he lays on the floor beside me. His cheek squished against the tile, his hand next to mine, but he's not touching me.