When no one believes, believe in yourself.

Chap 13

More secrets revealed. And more talks🙄 why am I like this?
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He wakes up next morning, to lxc, looking fondly at his face. 

lxc:*kissing his forehead* Good morning sleepy head.

Ywy: *feeling fresh* Good morning.

lxc: How was your sleep, boyfriend?

Ywy: Good. I haven’t slept in years, xichen. Thank you. I didn’t know I could get any sleep without feeling those hands on my body or without having phantom pains from the injuries long healed. *tears escaping his eyes* Thank you for giving me this.

lxc: *kissing on his eyes and forehead* wanyin you deserve this and much more. I’ll give you the world on a silver platter if you ask. Do you wanna talk about it some more?

Ywy: I don't know. I feel secure with you. But I don't want you to carry my burdens.

lxc: I'll just help you carry your burdens and you, mine. It’s fair. How about it?

Ywy: hmm. It sounds fair. *small smile*

lxc: So tell me, were you injured badly?

Ywy: I don't know. But I guess yes. I was in icu for so many days but i don’t remember much. Just too much pain and a terrifying feeling. Many of my bones were broken. I had a concussion due to a head injury. Also my body was in bad condition due to constant brutal intercourse. I-i have scars. They were sadists. So I bear the marks on my body. *touching his chest where the scars are*

Lxc: *hugging him tightly* oh my baby. I’ll protect you from now on. No one will ever hurt you again on my watch. *forehead kiss*

Ywy: thank you xichen-ge.

Lxc: *gasp* call me that again.

Ywy: xichen-ge.

Lxc beams and kisses his face. Wanyin was mesmerized seeing that smile. But he still has something to say.

Ywy: xichen-ge, if you don’t mind can i request something?

Lxc: yes my heart, what do you want?

Ywy: it’s not something i want, it’s just… Can you please tell lwj to keep a little distance between us? I’m not saying it in any negative sense or anything. It’s just, I'm not used to people coming too close to me, and if anyone who I don't know comes near me I get panicked and I just want to fight or flee. I’m afraid that someday I'll have a panic attack in front of him and it can be dangerous for both of us. I’m already working with a psychiatrist on my ptsd and I promise I'll work harder but please for the time being, can you accommodate my request?

Lxc: ok my heart. You don’t have to explain. If you don’t want anyone near you, you have every right to tell them so. And wangji will understand. He also doesn’t like people touching him. So, don’t worry. I’ll tell him. And also are you comfortable with me telling him about our relationship?

Ywy: are you sure you want to?

Lxc: why would i not want that?

Ywy: because i think your brother doesn’t like me much. Won’t he disapprove of us, because I'm weird?

lxc: no, my love, you are not weird and wangji is like that. He doesn’t talk much but he doesn’t hate you.

Ywy: ok. If you say so. Then you can tell.

Lxc: thank you wanyin. Now let's get up, you have to eat something. Wangji will be worried if we don’t show up. It’s already late.

Ywy: ok, xichen-ge.

After breakfast lxc went to lwj to talk to him.

Lxc: wangji, can i come in? I want to talk to you about something.

Lwj: Yes xiongzhang, come in.

Lxc: *sitting on the chair* I wanted to tell you I'm in a relationship.

Lwj: congratulations brother. With whom, if I may ask?

Lxc: yu wanyin.

Lwj: *frowning* But brother don’t you think he is weird?

Lxc: That's what I wanted to talk to you about. Please didi, be patient and try to understand him. He is not weird. He is working on himself with a psychiatrist.

Lwj: psychiatrist? Is he dangerous?

Lxc: didi, please. Listen to me first.

Lwj: sorry xiongzhang. Please continue.

Lxc: As I was saying, he is having therapy from a psychiatrist for his ptsd. he -he was raped when he was younger. That’s why he always flinches when you go near him, as he doesn’t know you. And the reason i’m telling you this is because he requested that you be conscious of the distance between you both. He didn’t want to tell you this, but I told him that he can trust you and it’ll be easier for you to understand him, so he agreed. So, wangji, didi please don’t mind the request. It’s just like his personal space bubble is a bit bigger than others. And it’s also not like any of us doesn’t believe you, he told me that proximity with people triggers his anxiety and can cause panic attacks.

Lwj: oh. Xiongzhang, will he be alright? I’m sorry I judged him for his behavior. I’ll apologize to him too.

Lxc: yes didi, i believe so. And even if he doesn't, I'll stay with him and support him. I know he thinks he doesn’t deserve me, and I'll leave him sooner or later. But it all came with his childhood and trauma. So, I can only prove him wrong by staying and showing how much I love him. And wangji thank you didi, but you don’t have to. He doesn’t hold a grudge against you. He’s just afraid of people he doesn’t know.

Lwj: xiongzhang, i want to. He’s afraid around me so i’ll keep my distance but it doesn’t mean I can't try to get to know him and understand him better. Maybe that way he’ll be less afraid of me. He is living with us and dating you, and it’ll not be good for any of us if he will always be scared. And maybe you should talk to his therapist and ask him how we can help him.

Lxc: yes didi, i’m planning to. He has an online session, in two days, with his therapist and I'm planning to join him. Then I'll ask.

Lwj: ok brother. Tell me if you need any kind of help.

Lxc: thank you didi for understanding.
Lwj: mn.