[MJ Fanfiction] What Happened That Day

Part 51: Don't Walk Away

June's point of view

Is that what I want ?

I don't even know what I want. I'm so stupid. I'm only good at ruinning things. I know Michael is sincere towards me, I know he really loves me. Everything he said to me through the months are the things I needed to hear from a man, and I'm just pushing him away, like I don't wanna be loved, like I don't love him. I do love him, like I said many times before, I love him from the bottom of my heart, and it makes things so much harder. It should be easy when you love someone. You normally want to stay with the person you love until the very end, but with me it's different. I'm different. Why am I making things more complicated? I stood up from the floor, and began to pace nervously across the room, rubbing my temples. I tried so hard not to cry, but this situation is killing me. I sat on my bed and broke down crying, again. Michael stood up, and walked next to me. He lifted my chin up and made me look at him. He was also crying, which broke my heart even more. He wanted an answer, but I couldn't speak. I didn't know what to say, I just stayed there, looking at him without saying anything to him, and I could see how much my silence was killing him from the inside. Minutes passed by, and I didn't say anything. Michael placed a gentle kiss on my forehead, and whispered “I love you” to me, before leaving my room. I heard him walking down the stairs, and then, saying goodbye to my mom, who was visibly worried to see Michael crying. She asked him what happened between us, and Michael simply answered “Guess it's over”. Those words from him broke my heart into milion pieces. No, I can't let him go. I can't let my fears ruining what I have with Michael: true love.

I jumped out of my bed, and began running down the stairs. Michael wasn't here anymore, I asked my mom where he was, and she told me he left a few seconds ago. I opened the front door and ran outside, barefooted. There he was, ready to get in the limo.

“Michael!” I shouted, tears in my eyes. He looked at me, and noticed he was crying. “Please don't go.” I pleaded, tears rolling down my cheeks. He looked confused, but he slowly walked to me.

“Why?” He asked, almost whispering.

“I try to picture me without you, but I can't... I need you, Michael. Please don't leave me, I know I'm not the best person to be with, I know I'm not the perfect girlfriend, but I have my issues, and I'm so sorry, you shouldn't be apart of it.” I took a deep breathe, slightly crying, and took his hands in mine, “The thing is, I love you so much that it's scary. I don't want to hurt you, I don't want anything to happen to you. That's the reason I walk away from you, I do it because I want you to be safe. I'm sorry for walking away like a coward, but I don't know what to do in situation like that.” I said, looking at the floor. “It's hard to sleep without you, it's hard to think straight when you're not around me, it's hard to breathe without you, Michael. You're my oxygen, and I need you in my life.” I wipped my tears away, and hugged Michael tightly. “I have to live dangerously; my fears won't ruin what we have. I take the risk to lose you so I can be happy with you for awhile.”

I could have stayed in his arms forever. This is the place I want to be until the very end.

“Say something” I asked in a barely audible voice, looking at Michael's wattery eyes.

“I, um. I...” He tried to say, but nothing came out. Instead, he picked me up, and gave me a passionate kiss. I missed this so much. I wrapped my legs around his waist, and put my hands on the sides of his head. I felt tears running down his cheeks while we kissed. “I missed you so much” He whispered on my lips, his eyes still closed. “Don't walk away anymore, please...” he pleaded, now looking at me. I nodded, and kissed him once again. Sadly, we were interrupted by a flash coming from the bushes a few meters from where we were standing. I jumped out of Michael's arms, and grabbed his hand before running back into the house. When we get in the house, I locked the door behind me, and motionned Michael to go upstairs. I made my way to the living room where I found my mother watching TV on the couch. I weakly but sincerely smiled at her, and sat a few minutes next to her.

“What's going on, sweetie?” She asked, worried, rubbing my cheek.

“Nothing, mom. I made some wrong choice these past few weeks, but it's ok now.”

“You're sure? You look like you'vre cried for days, I don't like to see you this way. I feel so useless...”

“You're not, mom. You far from being useless. You're all I have left now, so don't you dare say this, ok?” I sternly said, hugging her.

“Are you and Michael ok?” She asked with empathy.

“We've been through a lot of things lately, but I guess we'll be ok now.” I confessed. I stood up, and began to walk away, but I remembered why I was searching my mom for at first. “Oh and mom, don't go anywhere for awhile, there are paparazzis in front of the house...” I said, rolling my eyes.

“Oh, ok. Guess I have to get used to this now, huh?”

“I'm sorry, I--”

“Don't be, honey. I don't mind, really” She cut me off, giving me a reassuring smile.

“I love you” I said, before leaving the living room. I made my way upstairs, and enterred my bedroom. Michael was in front of my desk, the unopened letter he sent me in his hands.

“You didn't read it...” He said, visibly disappointed.

“I wanted to, very very much.” I confessed, sitting back in my bed.

“So why didn't you read it?”

“Because I knew if I read it, I'll be running back to you. I knew you would have the perfect words for me, as you always do.”

“Do you want to be with me?” He asked from nowhere.

“Of course I want to, why?”

“I don't know, it's like there's distance between us since you've left.”

“I just need to pull myself together. It's not you, it's me. All you have to know is that I love you, ok? I won't walk away anymore.”

“Promise?” He asked, sitting next to me on the bed.

“I promise.” I said, a weak smile on my face.

He smiled the same way, and rested his forehead on mine. “I have someone who could help you, you know, to get through this.”

“What do you mean by help me? You mean like a psychologist?”

“Yeah, he's my person psychologist, and he is excellent. His name is Stephen Spinker. You should have a talk with him.” He advised me.

“I don't need help, Michael. I'm fine. Like I said, I just need ot pull myself together a little, and have my ideas clear.”

“Please, do it for me.” He pleaded.

“Did you see a doctor for your sleep troubles, like I advised you back in Paris?”

“No, not yet bu--”

“I'll agree to see your therapist when you see that doctor, period.” I sternly said, cutting him off.

“That's not fair! You really need help, honey...”

“So do you! Did you sleep well while I was gone?” I asked, crossing my arms.

“Um, yeah.” He lied.

“You're lying, I know it. I know you, Michael. If you want me to get better, start to get better yourself. Please?”

“Arh... Okay, I'll take an appointement when we'll be back in California.” He sighed.

“Thank you” I said, slightly smiling.

Step one: fixing ourselves.