"You'll never get this done, you know?" The satisfaction was evident in his voice.
"You could leave me alone so I can actually get this finished. Or pick up a brush." I gestured to the abundance of supplies I had purchased.
"Mmm, no thanks. Don't re...
We didn't speak a word the drive home and Harry was driving a solid 10kms below the speed limit, whether it be to ensure our safety or to draw out our cocoon of closeness. Upon pulling into the driveway, he turned off the car and immediately hit the door lock button on his door.
He was like a beacon of light in the darkness that surrounded us; cheeks pink, eyes squinting as his smile took over the entirety of his face. In one quick motion he leant over the centre console, grabbed the strings of my hoodie and pulled my face towards his. The kiss was quick but it filled my heart with a certain warmth that was both exciting and terrifying.
Like a little kid, he clapped his hands together and unlocked the car doors. We both rushed inside, the rain hadn't eased at all but we had both been ignoring it. There were more important things for us to be focusing on. The clock read 10:15pm and I assumed Clem had gone to bed because all the lights were off and her door was shut.
"Are you hungry?" He whispered, turning on the kitchen light.
As if on cue, my stomach rumbled and I nodded sheepishly. We made our way into the kitchen and Harry turned on the stove. He reached for a can of soup on the shelf, holding it towards me in question. I mumbled a 'yes, please' before sitting at the kitchen table as he made his way around the kitchen.
It was obvious he was trying to hide his big dorky smile, but I was able to catch glimpses of it every now and again as he turned. His hair was still wet, clothes sticking to his skin due to the moisture and his shoes were squeaking against the floor.
My clothes were still drenched also and while it made my entire body shiver, I made no effort to move from this room and change. I needed to just observe his raw beauty as he rushed around the kitchen to make toast and stir soup, getting the needed bowls and utensils.
Once it was ready, we sat and ate our soup silently. Our feet brushed against one anothers under the table, completely coincidental and not at all planned obviously. I hadn't realised how hungry I was but the bread and hearty soup filled my stomach right up. Harry's bowl was emptied before mine, his hunger outshining mine. He took the time between him and I finishing our food to observe me as I had to him previously.
He was magnetic and I was going to stick with him for as long as I could, no matter how terrifying it was. Under his stare, I didn't shrivel back in on myself. I didn't feel the need to pull the material sticking to my stomach away to hide myself, or to move my hair in front of my face. Instead I bathed in it, I bathed in his attention and his non-verbal praise. I bathed in his feeling and his energy.
"I'm so tired." My tone was low, almost ashamed I was going to cut our moment short.
"Come lay with me?" He was quick in his plea, "Unless you don't want to, then you by no means have to. But if you would like to come and lay with me for a bit and talk or whatever you'd like, I'm more than happy for you to do that. If you don't want to, please don't do it because you think you have to do what I say." His eyes held such sincerity that I almost fell off my chair.
My mouth ran dry, so to hold off on an answer, I lifted my cup to my mouth and took a sip which felt like my first sip in days. My words would have failed me at this point, I was certain of that, so I nodded and stood up from my place at the table.
I quickly made my way down to my room and got into some different clothes before heading back up towards Harry's bedroom door. I was mindful of Clem in the next room so I knocked lightly before entering. The room was dark except for the dull yellow light his bedside lamp omitted. He was in the middle of throwing extra pillows onto the bed from his wardrobe and he looked embarrassed to have been caught.
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"Just wanted you to be comfortable. Don't overthink it." I looked at my feet to hide my pink cheeks, making my way over to his bed.
I was nervous of course, I didn't want to give off the wrong signals. I knew he didn't think we were coming in here to have sex or anything but the feeling of guilt still sat low in my chest. He probably never had to tiptoe into any progress with any other girls he was interested in.
He was interested in me, I realised that tonight. It was like I had been blind for so long and I could finally see what was right in front of me. He made no effort to hide his feelings or interest and it was finally clear to me. I felt like an idiot but I just had to move forward with this knowledge now.
Visions of him the night of his panic attack flashed through my mind and I recalled seeing him on the side of the bed closest to the bedroom door, so I made the decision to crawl across to the opposite side.
He too made his way to the bed, laying on his back with his hands linked over his stomach. I rolled to my back also, mirroring his position and staring at his roof. The rain made light noises on the tin roof and it nearly acted as a lullaby.
"Tell me something." I whispered towards the roof.
"What do you want to know?"
"I don't know, just tell me anything in the whole wide world."
He took a deep breath before telling me about how we have explored more of space than we have the ocean and other things that just didn't sit right with him. I paid attention for the most part, but I really just wanted to listen to his voice. He could have been reciting the dictionary and I wouldn't have cared, I would have been thrilled.
"On a scale of zero to ten, how lucky do you think you are?" He quizzed.
"Um, I personally don't really believe in luck." His head snapped towards me and I continued on with my explanation, "I don't believe a person can be either lucky or unlucky. I think everything happens for a reason and putting it down to whether you're a lucky person or not takes away from it's true purpose.
I could have, like, fully died that day on the beach but I didn't. It wasn't my time and there were still things I had to do. I could name dozens of times I probably should have died with Will, but for whatever reason, I survived. But I know of people who have died of a lot less, like people choking on some food or having an allergic reaction. Those are things that can be either prevented or stopped but it must have been their time and they were never destined to make it out.
I do believe in chance, like winning the lottery isn't luck. Its chance, probability and odds. Things that can be mathematically measured out and you can almost tell before you do the thing, what the outcome will be. The chance of me walking outside right now and being struck by lightning are around 1 in 500,000. This is a numerical figure, worked down to an almost precise number. But every time I'm outside and hear lightning, I don't automatically think to myself 'wow I'm so lucky that it didn't hit me'. That's just not something I have ever believed in. That makes me sound like a real pessimist, doesn't it?"
I turned my head to look at him and by the look on his face, I could tell he digested every single word I spoke.
"What are the mathematical chances of me making this person I know understand just how euphoric they make me feel with every single word they speak?" If anyone else had said this, I would have scoffed and called it cringey or douchey. But I could just tell that it was so pure and right.
"Fairly probable."
*****
Oh wow, everything seems to be going splendidly for the blossoming duo... right?
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Irrelevant but I did Boogie Bounce last night which is essentially trampoline aerobics/HIIT and I can't feel from my ass down hahaha fuck.
