Lost and Found

Chapter 30

For a while, they sat together, Carlos drew circles on the back of her hand and shook his head at team members that gave them questioning looks. Everyone could see something was going on but no one could quite see what it was. They just sat there in silence. The nowadays energetic young woman didn't move a muscle, didn't say a word. If you didn't know her, you wouldn't say she had just lost her best friend. There were no tears, no angry words, nothing.

Carlos nearly jumped out of his skin, when Sara suddenly and resolutely got up. He stood up as well, still holding onto her hand tightly.

"I need-" Her voice broke. "I need to go see Pierre." She whispered and turned around before Carlos could say anything. Did he need to go after her? Did he need to make sure she would get to Pierre safely? He stood in doubt for a little before deciding to walk after her and keep an eye on her from the distance.

He didn't know what she was going to do. She showed no emotion and it gave him a weird feeling. There was nothing that reminded him of her. The over-the-top kind of girl that always was a bit dramatic and tended to overreact. She wasn't even blinking more than usual as she did whenever she was fighting emotions. Nothing. It just wasn't Sara.

There was a strange vibe hanging in the paddock. People didn't talk as enthusiastically as they did and journalists weren't joking around. Everyone was shocked to hear about Anthoine's death. It was untimely and a blow to everyone who knew him in the slightest way. Even to those who didn't know him personally but had seen an interview or listened to his podcast which had aired a few weeks before.

Sara reached Toro Rosso and didn't even need to walk into the hospitality as Pierre was just walking out. She made a beeline towards him and threw herself into his arms. Carlos stopped and turned around, she was safe with Pierre. They needed to grieve together. He couldn't help her whatsoever.

Pierre took no time to wrap his arms tightly around his best friend. It was the first time Sara broke. Tears started to stream as she struggled to keep standing on both of her legs.

"Please tell me this is just one big nightmare." She begged as Pierre started to sob as well. "He can't be gone, Pierre. He can't be. He's-" She couldn't even finish her sentence. Loud sobs escaped her lips without a break. Where she hadn't been able to express any emotion everything came out now. "This was supposed to be a fun weekend." Pierre didn't have the words.

There was a camera that clicked behind them and both heads shot up. How could someone be so rude to take a picture of them? They had just lost their best friend. Sara was about to explode. She was ready to rip the photographer's head off. Pierre however took her hand and dragged her inside. They walked to his driver room and they sat down.

"How did we go from making reservations for a dinner to having to live without him?" Sara shook her head. Tears were now silently flowing down her cheeks. "How could it have gone that bad so fast?"

"We always knew it was a dangerous sport." Pierre carefully said, his voice still full of emotion as he tried to keep himself from breaking out in tears again. "But we never thought we were going to lose either of us because of it." Sara gasped for air, she was feeling a bit lightheaded.

"I didn't think I would have to live without either of you. That's really naïve, I know, but I always hoped that I would die sooner than the two of you seeing I'm older." She let a sarcastic laugh slip. "It's really silly, but I couldn't imagine living without any of you." Sara cried. "Heck, I'm still not over losing touch with Juliette and that's been what, eight years now. How am I going to live out the rest of my life without Anthoine, knowing there is no way to see him anymore?!" Pierre shook his head. He didn't know either.

"Have you already seen Juliette?" She whispered and looked at Pierre. His eyes, which probably resembled hers, were bloodshot and puffy.

"I did." He said. "She left just before you came, she was heartbroken." Sara let a huff slip.

"Is this what it took to get her attention? Anthoine had to die to get any emotion out of her?" The flow of tears increased again. She shook her head. "Unbelievable."

"At least she didn't take a second thought to come here." Pierre shot back but immediately regretted being so harsh towards one of his best friends. She had her own emotions to deal with as well and he didn't know when she had realised Anthoine was no longer with them.

Sara didn't even hear what Pierre had said, she had started bouncing her leg again and tried to blink the tears away.

"I can't do this Pierre. He's the reason I'm here. He's the reason I called you. He's the reason I went to the McLaren Technical Centre when I was in London and I met Carlos. He's the reason I got my feelings straight to even think of dating him. He's the reason I'm happy now. And now he is gone."

"He wanted you to be happy. He wanted all of us to be happy, Juliette included." Sara shook her head.

"He had too big of a heart. She just left us and still, he wanted her to have the very best." She took her camera which was still hanging around her neck. She turned it on and looked at the gallery. The most were Anthoine seeing she was going to have to finish up the scrapbook soon. "He can't be gone."

Pierre sat down beside Sara and together they looked at the photos in silence.

"I was going to make a scrapbook out of it," Sara whispered. "I am about three quarters through it." Pierre remained silent. How did you deal with losing your best friend in such a horrifying way? How did you deal with the hole he left in your heart? "How are you holding up?" Sara looked up at him, tears were still brimming in his eyes as well as his gaze was permanently set upon the photo on the screen. It was a photo of Pierre and Anthoine together the day before.

Pierre shook his head.

"I'm not." Sara took his hand and held onto it.

"Honestly, I was always jealous of the two of you." Pierre frowned and tore his eyes off the photo. "You had something so simple. You could talk to each other about anything. You knew where you stood from the motorsport side of thing. With both of you, we didn't understand each other on that level and at times, I really had to force myself to keep up with your athletic performances while I was trying to focus on my own. You guys just seemed so natural. It made me jealous at times."

"You had just as a big part in his life as I did Sara." Sara nodded.

"I know, but I never had quite the bond with Anthoine as you did." Pierre's gaze was still set on the photo. "I can print it out for you." A sob left Pierre's mouth. Sara placed her camera down and wrapped her arms around Pierre. "I'm not half as good in emotional support as you or Anthoine, but I'm here. Anything you need Pierre. And I'm sorry I wasn't there when you came out of your debrief. I should have gone to see you immediately. You're my best friend and I left you to yourself."

"I wasn't alone." Pierre sobbed. "Juliette was already there." Tears now started falling out of Sara's eyes again as well. Juliette was already there. Juliette, the friend that had just up and left to never let them hear of her again had been there for Pierre when he needed someone while she, Sara, just sat frozen on her chair and couldn't think of anything else but denial. She blinked rapidly, fighting the sobs that were trying to roll over her lips. "I'm sorry." She croaked. "I should have been there as well." Even Juliette who had broken all contact with them had been a better friend to Pierre than she had been herself. Maybe Juliette wasn't that horrible after all. But then again, who leaves their friends to never let them hear of her again?