Lost and Found

Chapter 31

The days that followed were hard on Sara. She barely ate or spoke and couldn't keep her mind focussed on something for more than a minute. She was broken by the fact that Anthoine was just gone. Ripped from life far too soon. It was unbelievable that they were supposed to have dinner together that Sunday but they would never sit at the same table as him again.

After the conversation with Pierre, Sara had gone back to McLaren and had asked Carlos whether they could go back to the hotel. The next day, she had been at the track for the moment of silence before the race. She had embraced Anthoine's mother and brother so tightly that for a moment she thought she had choked them. Despite not wanting to be at the track that had killed her best friend, she had to be there for them.

Afterwards, Martin had come to pick her up. She could not stay to watch the race. Not even for Pierre or Carlos. She couldn't do it. She had made them promise to text her first thing when they would get out of the car. She couldn't lose them too, not the same way she did Anthoine. Not in general but she could absolutely not watch them do the same thing that had killed Anthoine.

Martin had driven her home in silence. Which was rare for the duo. There was always one of them who would be cracking jokes but Sara's mind was blank and Martin found it very misplaced to even try to make a joke.

When she got home, she was hugged by her entire family but she was still numb. Even Noah was there, knowing how close Sara was with the French formula two driver. She had received the hug but did nothing else. As soon as he let her go, she walked into the house and laid on her bed. Restless. During the day, she didn't move a muscle but at night, when she so desperately tried to fall asleep, the images of the crash troubling her. She tossed and turned but couldn't seem to fall asleep.

It went on for a handful of days after the funeral. It was so surreal that they had just officially said goodbye to their best friend, knowing they were never going to see him walk around somewhere on the globe ever again.

"Sara?" Sara sat on the swing bench in the garden but looked up when she heard someone call her name. A minimal smile tugged at her lips when she saw Noah. "Come here." He opened his arms and Sara voluntarily walked into them. She needed the comfort of his embrace. It was so familiar. It brought her back to a time where Anthoine was still there. For five minutes they remained in the embrace just a few feet from the bench.

"Don't let me go." Sara whimpered when Noah made the movement to let go of her. "Please."

"Let's sit down at least." They sat down on the bench and Sara pulled her legs up onto the bench, cuddling into Noah's side as well as she could. "Have you spoken to Pierre yet?"

"After the crash immediately, as in, after he was done with his debrief and the news of his death was-" Sara swallowed hard, trying to get rid of the lump that had been there for days already. "already out there." She shook her head. "I still can't believe he is gone. I'm bloody afraid to open anything I had with me for the weekend because I know what I will find. Photos. Photos of him in the car, photos of him and Pierre, photos of the three of us, photos of him and Julie, the holiday. All with him. Everywhere I look I am reminded of him and I just want to shut off to just continue life without this aching that he isn't here anymore." Noah didn't know what to say or do, so he just hugged her tighter to his chest, playing with the ends of her hair, pressing a kiss on her temple. "Everywhere I am, I am reminded that he isn't here anymore and I can't handle it." Sara whimpered, tears streaming down as she clutched onto Noah.

For thirty more minutes, they just remained there in silence, until Sara sat back up, wiping the tears from her cheeks and blowing her nose on a paper tissue she had on her.

"How are you, with the whole being single deal?" Noah chuckled.

"To be fair, all of it has been put into perspective and honestly, right now. I am fine with it."

"You sounded so broken over the phone."

"It hurt like hell at first when I found out she had been cheating on me from just about day one but right now I am fine with it. She was a bitch, I should have listened to my mother, even though no girl is going to live up to her standards set by you." A sad chuckle rolled over Sara's lips.

"Even though your mother drives me crazy, I think I should see it as a compliment."

"You should. She adores you still. You are what is in her eyes the perfect daughter-in-law and to be fair, it's not a stretch to see why she thinks you are." Sara rested her head back against Noah's shoulder. "Sometimes I just wish we could go back to it. You know, the first two years of our marriage. Everything was so simple, even though we had just moved from our hometown to Paris – of all places – we were fine because we had each other."

"Life was indeed a lot simpler back then." They started reminiscing the days when they were married and for the first time in days, Sara genuinely laughed. Sara's phone had rung multiple times in the time she had been talking to Noah but only noticed when the conversation fell back into silence.

"Shit, Carlos has called like twenty times already." Noah frowned. "Not literally but he has been calling multiple times."

Sara: Hey, I'm sorry, I didn't notice you called.

Carlos: It's okay. How are you?

Sara: I'm good, seeing the circumstances. How are you?

Carlos: I'm good, preparations are going well. It has been strange but things are going fine.

Sara: I can understand.

Communication had been weird between Carlos and Sara since Anthoine's accident. Carlos thought Sara needed the comfort he couldn't give her at that time. He loved her but he knew that he, as a racing driver, at this moment couldn't help her. He wanted to but he didn't know how to.

Carlos sat at a table in the factory and stared at his phone. Lando watched Carlos and knew exactly what was going on in his head. Sara and how he couldn't help her.

"Yo man, you have to give her some time. She loved Anthoine with all of her heart." Carlos knew, but it didn't make the situation any easier for any party. "Just give her the time she needs." Carlos wasn't sure of Lando's advice, however. He wasn't convinced that the best way to help Sara at that moment was to remain distant.

"I'm going to make a quick call." He announced and walked outside to find himself some privacy. He dialled a number and brought the phone to his ear.

"Carlos, is everything alright?"

"Honestly, I do not know." He sighed. "You know Sara so much better than I do. I mean, you have known her for years whereas I have known her for about half a year now, what can I do to help her?" Carlos shook his head. "I don't know what I can do to help ease the pain."

"All I can say is be there for her. She sucks at expressing feelings in words but she shows them. Don't ask her to talk about it. Hold her. Be there. Help her get over it. Act as nothing has changed. Like she isn't reminded of him in everything she does, but show her you are there when she does see him in something. I know it is hard for you to do that with your job and everything, but whenever you can, go to see her."

"That's all?" Carlos nearly sounded frustrated, knowing Sara would still have to go through the process all on her own. He would still be on the sidelines.

"That's all. She needs her time to grieve but she has to pick her life back together on her own. You can't do that for her."

"You are right. How are you holding up, Pierre?"

"I'm glad I'm constantly being distracted at the factory. There is so much to do still, even though I have already had my first race back at Toro Rosso and I am now living the dream for both me and Anthoine, I need to give it my all. But please, just be there for Sara. That's all she needs from you right now."