Heart As Cold As Ice | 18+ | ✓

29: alondra

I'm incapable of saying no to Jack. That's all there really is to it. Hence why I told my parents three days ago that I was getting on a flight with him to go to Dallas. Dad didn't say anything to me then and hasn't said anything to me since. Not that I really expected him to but it'll be fine. He's made his stance clear meanwhile I'm falling deeper and deeper into the hole I'm digging for myself with Jack.

I'm in some deep trouble. It's not just a little crush. I really like him. Like head over fucking heels like him.

Jack's seemed distant since everything Grady, but not at the same time. Everything is the same between us except he hasn't once brought up the topic of sex. I worry that by confirming yet another way Grady tried to break me, I've almost scared him off completely. We'll be making out pretty heavily, but the second I try to take it further, he stops us completely.

Which is fine. I don't need to have sex with him but I think I really want to. I know I come with a lot of baggage between everything with my dad and Grady.

But I wasn't lying when I said I wanted to erase all the bad memories by creating new ones with Jack. I've noticed that since I really truly started to let him in, my anxiety has been lower and I'm having less panic attacks.

I know I can't rely on him one hundred percent to help me control my anxiety. Jack's just unintentionally done a lot to make me feel like who I used to be before Grady, but better.

I also know we're not dating, but for now it's nice letting our game play out with a slight internal change that he's my boyfriend instead of only being my friend I happen have benefits with.

So basically I'm set on a collision course with no way of stopping myself.

Jack's stretched out on a blanket next to me as we bathe in the warm rays, watching his dog roll around in the grass. He said she's part lab or something, but he rescued her in middle school walking home from the bus stop one day.

The weather here is just incredible compared to Minneapolis. Low seventies feels like ninety degrees after the early winter we've been facing up north. Pritchett said it's colder than shit there.

He's more relaxed here. Last night we hung out with some of his and Dylan's high school friends and I heard an abundance of stories that had Jack trying to shut his friends up. I also got a glimpse of what real swing dancing looks like.

And his mom? I'm convinced she's the best human I've ever met. It makes sense why he loves her so much.

"Dollar for your thoughts darling?" Jack asks, blinking his beautiful blue eyes up lazily at me.

I smile and lean back into a similar position to Jack, watching the fluffy clouds float in the sky. "You said it wrong. It's only a penny."

"I know, I just happen to think your thoughts are worth more than one cent."

I debate telling Jack that I want to talk about Grady with him. I want to talk about sex and that he doesn't need to treat me like this fragile breakable thing. I never wanted him to look at me differently. That's why I've withheld certain things that happened with Grady; shit I'm not ready to face but certainly ready to get past.

The roughness during sex and the physical reminders were traumatic, but his words always packed a hard punch than his fists.

But how do I talk to Jack about that when I saw his reaction to whatever Grady said to him at the skating rink? Coop called and texted me when I was in class, saying it was an emergency and I needed to get to the house for Jack.

I left without a second thought because that's what Jack would do for me.

But Coop wouldn't tell me what was said other than something about Jack being like him.