you look perfect tonight

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"Remind me, why am I here again?" I glanced across at John, who winked at me. "I told you I'd make dinner tonight, I'm trying to impress you." He chuckled as I sat on the couch, "You don't need to cook for me to impress, John. You already have my heart." I laughed, as he glanced over at me, "I love you." He told me, I smiled. "I love you too, baby." I look back at the TV, as an old movie was playing, I ran a hand over my hair as I check my phone, John had the night off, so he wanted to have some time together, we didn't have much time anymore so little things like this meant the world to me. I suddenly got a wave of nausea, so I get up and I ran upstairs, as I threw up in the sink, I pull my hair back as I groaned, I grab some mouthwash, before I clean out my mouth and I sighed. "Baby, are you okay?" I turn back, nodding. "I think I ate something weird, I don't know. I'm fine." I sit down on the tub, as he looked back at me. "Do you think you could be pregnant?" I look up, shocked. "What? No. No, no way." I hadn't thought about it, "We use protection, John. I can't be pregnant." I lean back, "Not always, baby. You should take a test." I grab his hand, "Okay, I'll get a test." He kissed my forehead, "I'll be downstairs, darling." I went into the cupboard, pulling one out just in case. I take the test, before I waited a few minutes. I take a breath, when I look down. "Shit. I'm pregnant." I whispered, my mind was racing. Did I even want this baby?

"Fuck." I put the test back on the sink, before I stand up, I felt strange, knowing that I had John's baby inside me. It made sense why I felt so crappy, the bloating, the sickness, feeling grouchy all the time, aches and pains. I pick up the test, as I head downstairs. "Well?" He watched me, "I'm pregnant, John. I'm carrying our baby." He looked surprised, like he didn't expect it, "Isn't that a good thing?" He took my hand, as he pulled me into his chest. "I just- I can't believe I'm actually pregnant." I held onto my baby bump, as he went back into the kitchen. "We've talked about kids, baby girl. I think this will be good for us." I sat on the couch again, as I nodded. "Do you want a girl or a boy?" I knew about the child he lost with Jill. Gideon. He never talked about him, but I wouldn't push it either. "I'm not sure, babe. I'll be happy with anything, our baby will be perfect." I play with my hands, as I looked away. "I know." He seemed a bit distracted. "I'm just going to go take a walk." He turned and went outside, my heart dropped suddenly. He wasn't happy. I could tell, he didn't want this child. I called it, ever since Gideon died, he couldn't hack that he would be a dad. I decided to leave, as I put on my boots, my jacket and I grab my phone, I made sure the house was secure before I began to leave, I open the door and I walk out towards my car. I get inside, before I drove off back to my apartment. I parked up, as I head indoors, I felt so shit, I was upset.

My phone began ringing as I walked through the door, no one ever called my landline. Ever. The voicemail played, "For gods sake, y/n! Why did you walk out on me? Come back. Let's talk." John was mad, I could tell. He probably knew I'd come here. I called back, putting it on speaker. "Baby, why did you leave?" He sighed. "You don't want this baby with me, John. What's the fucking point? You're just bitter because of what happened to Gideon." Shit, I shouldn't of said that. That was beyond bad. He hangs up the phone, oh god. That was not what I meant at all. "Shit." I sighed, I went to go upstairs when there's banging on the door. I turn and John storms inside, he was very angry. "What the fuck is your problem?!" He screamed at me, as I shut the door. "I didn't mean what I said, John. Stop shouting." I frowned, "I want this baby, y/n! Stop being a fucking bitch and complaining! I told you!" I felt a pain in my side, as I backed off. "Please just stop." I flinched, as he suddenly pulled me into his arms. "Where does it hurt, show me." I understood why he was acting like this, he was still hurt because of Gideon, he didn't want another miscarriage to happen. "John, it's going to be okay." I kiss his forehead, as I hugged him tightly. "I'll protect you both with my life. I swear."

"I know, baby. I know."

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