Just another Frerard vampire story...

I love you my love

My eyes open as the morning rays awaken me. The frosty winter morning sends a chill through the opened window, refreshing my hot body. The noise of a flock of birds quietly floats in reminding me it's late morning.

My morning stretch loosens me up from last night dreams. The constant nightmares have always been part of my life. No one knows this, it's my secret. I live in two realms. One: here on planet earth with Gerard by my side. Yes my demons are still present but he helps to loosen their grip slightly, he weakens them so much I forgot they are there. I feel free when he holds me tight or when he kisses me, away from my own messed up head. In a frightening mental war zone I have my own peaceful paradise.

However, my other world is dark and ruled by those demons that cause me pain. They dominate everything; block out all reasoning. My unconscious body unable to escape. I cannot control that world, I cannot control my dreams. That's why I love mornings. I don't have to be in my self built hell. I can use my own judgment and feel in power again.

Some mornings are hard. Even if it is the fictional demons teasing me I still think about the bad stuff I have done. I wish I was one of those people who can't remember most of their dreams; like a normal person. However, it's more than dreams to me, it's a world I can't forget. I re visit some dreams a lot. It's difficult but I get by. You don't really have a choice anyway. Many people have bigger problems than me and they actually happen in what is called 'the real world' Hunger, thirst, disease, death, grieve, abuse. I'm luckier than most in a way.

If I could only tell Gerard about the other side. Although he has watched me for centuries he can't see into my brain. He's clueless to all of this and I'm scared I will frighten him away with my secret demon friends who I hate, who make me hate myself. I can't lose him as he's the only one who makes me love myself.

I watch him sleep peacefully. I wonder what sweet dreams dance around in that amazing head of his. I wonder if I'm in there somewhere. I sure hope so. I hope I give him happiness in his dream world as well as real life; for I know we all spend half our life in the non physical dimension. I want to love and care for Gerard, for more than half my life.

The glimmer of light shinning onto,his face lightens my mood. Today is going to be a good day, I'm going to make sure of it. I'm taking control myself. I quietly leave the warm bed, goose bumps forming on my arms. I grab my oversized red hoodie from the side which by now has small holes at the bottom from ten years of use.

I descend down the spiral star case which still makes me giggle at the thought of Gerard wanting to buy a fucking spiral staircase and jog into the kitchen away from the cold marble floor. I switch on the lights and they flicker on with a quiet buzzing sound. I haven't baked in a while, I used to all the time when I was a kid.

I open the tall cupboards, perching on my toes. I grab the ingredients I need and start to mix them in a bowl. The smell makes the kitchen feel like home. I then rummage through the messy draw to find the human cookie cutter shape. I make sure they are all perfectly uniform and cut some cute hearts before placing them in the oven.

As they cook I tidy the mess I have created. Mom always used to clean up after me while I finished my masterpieces, she actually used to tease me about my secret hobby but I never cared.

The kitchen is spotless just as the cooker beeps. I grab the red oven gloves and open the country kitchen door open, feeling the heat radiate onto my face. I lift them out carefully and place them on the side, inspecting my work. I must say they are all perfectly golden biscuits. You my not aspect me to be a star baker, you may even laugh but obscurity is beautiful.

I create different coloured icing and place them in small pipping bags. Picking up two of the biscuit men, I laugh as I realise one is a lot small than the other. It kind of makes my heart jump in a way. I put them on a square plate and place them together, hands touching of course. I pipe locks of onyx inky hair around the head and add the hazel eyes.