Give Me Love

chapter sixteen

It was evening, and you wanted out of the damn medbay already.

"I'd like to leave now," you said. Another moment trapped in this room, right next to the spot that Sabè had lost her life and still in the one you'd lost and then reclaimed yours— you were going to lose your mind.

You were out of there within minutes.

Rico saw you off with Ahsoka, who insisted on getting you a wheelchair or something but you adamantly refused. You felt fine, all you needed was to redress the bandages on your arms and you were good to go.

There was someone you really needed to see, but first you needed a moment alone. You hadn't gotten one since you'd woken up.

Ahsoka brought you back to your room, and just as she was about to leave, the com on her wrist beeped with a message. She read it, the blue glinting off her face before she looked up, grimacing.

"Battle orders," she explained. "You should be getting something on your own com."

"You mean, if Anakin doesn't fire me."

"Don't put it like that," she shuffled uncomfortably. "Think of it like... he's letting you off the hook."

"I've always wanted to be a field medic. I still do."

"Okay, well, if you need someone to back you up on that argument I'm always here," she offered, and you smiled.

"Thank you."

"Com me if you need anything. I'll be right down the hall."

"Thanks Ahsoka," she bit her lip, hesitating by the door. She still didn't like the idea of leaving you alone like this, but you needed a moment to yourself and Anakin would be back soon enough. "I'm fine, really. You don't have to worry about me."

"Alright. I'll you later, Y/n," she finally relented, and then left you to close the door behind her.

You let out a long, heavy sigh.

You felt like you were in a dream. Everything you saw, everything you touched, and everything you smelled, heard, tasted— you felt like you were witnessing it from someone else's perspective, like you shouldn't be doing it yourself. You knew that was just your guilty conscious talking again.

To take your mind off of it, you walked into the bathroom and flicked on the lights. The last time you were here— literally yesterday— you had spent the majority of your time on the floor, throwing your guts up as Anakin rubbed your back and kept your hair out of your face.

Now, your stomach felt fine. Healthier than ever, really— though that had been swapped for arms that were bandaged all up and down, from your elbow to your fingertips, the skin underneath littered with dozens of little cuts. Anakin's healing powers really had worked a miracle, considering you should have much deeper gashes in your arms rather than the superficial wounds you had now.

You couldn't even imagine what they had looked like when you'd been brought in, when you were actually—

Don't think about it.

The point of being here was to deal with a different problem, a much more... visible problem. You weren't really sure what to expect when you looked in the mirror, but there was no avoiding your reflection forever.

Yup. Definitely bad.

Your face was still your face, nothing different about that other than the fact that the bags under your eyes were pretty dark and you had a little cut on your cheek. The thing that shocked you was your now silvery-white hair, sitting around your head all innocent like it hadn't completely betrayed you.