Give Me Love

chapter fifty five

It was a Thursday when Ahsoka left.

Not too long after the night spent drinking, you had all been deployed again on another mission-- to Cato Nemoida, where the Separatists sent an invasion that had to be fought off. Anakin was content with locking you up in your apartment so you could never see the light of another battle again, but you convinced him it would be best for both of you to stick together to keep an eye on each other. In case... the worst happened.

Both of you felt that timer over your heads, like a ticking time bomb. So in the end he agreed to let you tag along, just to spend time with you even if it meant pulling you up on his holocom while you stayed back at the makeshift base, tending to injured soldiers like old times while watching Anakin in the midst of starfighter battle.

Then the droids took over his ship, and he was knocked unconscious by a strong electrical blast, and your heart stuttered and stopped along with his. And Ahsoka– Force blessed Ahsoka– rushed in and saved him with R2D2, pulling him out of that cockpit and watching the whole damn starfighter plummet to the land below.

Back at base, Anakin was still unconscious when the Council called in. Ahsoka and Anakin were to come back to Coruscant, as there had been a bombing and they were needed to investigate.

But after being informed Anakin was too injured to travel right now, they asked for just Ahsoka. And you... you were faced with a choice.

Go with Ahsoka, to protect her while she investigated a terrorist attack on the place she called home that killed multiple Jedi knights, clones, and workers? Or stay here with Anakin, wait for him to wake up, abandon the injured soldiers, and travel later on.

Looking at Anakin, all pale and motionless on that makeshift cot... you knew he would be livid if he found out you were gone. Or... more scared than anything. You agreed to stick together, so it would be a dick move if you abandoned him like this. Plus, the injured soldiers..

But there were other medics. And Ahsoka was gearing up to go alone. The temple was dangerous, and while you didn't have any abilities or powers to really protect her, you could use your fists. And your mind. You were both smart, and you thought you could help her root out the bomber.

And deep down, you knew Anakin would not want Ahsoka to do this alone.

So you left him a note, explaining the situation and urging him to join you once he got better. Knowing him, that meant as soon as he woke up, before any water or anything.

It ended up taking Anakin a long time to join you. The Council had Anakin stay on Cato Neimoidia to finish the mission, which he did with... vigor. Reports say there was not a soul left alive, and that the damage to the planet would take decades to repair. While he crushed the Separatist attack efficiently, his fear took him too far, and he acted rashly. All he was focused on upon waking was getting back to you and Ahsoka.

But by that time, it was already too late.

Ahsoka was caught on camera choking the suspect, Letta Turmond, and imprisoned herself. You didn't find out until seeing it on the news as you were going over the information you gathered at the bombing site. A few medics had been killed, some that you knew, but thankfully Rico was okay. But Ahsoka's name blared over the holochannel you had pulled up for white noise, and you saw the headline, and everything went red.

You went to the Council directly, almost knocking down Yoda's doors. He said she may have sent someone to do the bombing because she was off planet and couldn't have done it herself. Still– it was possible she was responsible. And that he didn't want to believe it either, but they could take no chances.

They didn't even give Anakin time to make it back to Coruscant before Ahsoka was put on trial. You begged and begged Padme to represent her. After everything– after everything– she owed you this much.

And so she did. But no matter how good Padme was in court, or how much evidence there was against Ahsoka being the bomber, she was still convicted. You had investigated the case until the very end, but you were no Jedi. And no one would confess.

Ahsoka was kicked out of the Order. She went through that alone, without her Master there with her, because they forbade him from coming home until every single Separatist was driven off that planet. And they had just sent reinforcements–

Ahsoka was sent straight back to her cell afterwards. Plans were readied to move her to a bigger imprisonment facility. You didn't know what to do– you felt so guilty, so lost. Part of you felt like this was your fault. If you had just been smarter, quicker, stronger... you left to protect her. And you didn't do that.

So even though it made you an enemy of the Jedi, you helped her escape. You shot down the guards (nothing that would kill them, of course), and disabled the cameras, and stole the keys to her cell. Together, you ran through the prison and escaped through the pipes.

It was at the edge of one of these pipes, where it was pouring rain behind her, and she faced you tearfully.

"You can't follow me anymore," she said. "You'll only slow me down."

And it hurt, but it was true.

"You can hide somewhere... I'll help you hide somewhere. Just until Anakin gets back. He'll know what to do."

At the mention of her master, she began to cry. "I can't stay. They'll find me."

"Ahsoka..."

"Tell Anakin–" she wiped her face with the back of her arm. "Tell Anakin I'm sorry. And that I hope we meet again someday."

And then she was gone.

Over the edge of the pipe, into the dark below. You reached out to stop her, to beg her to stay, to ask her where she would go. But she was just... gone.

Not you too.

In the days after, you were called in for questioning by order of the Council. You were so numb, you didn't say a single word. Your mind however, was flying a mile a minute.

It wasn't your fault. It wasn't Ahsoka's fault. It was the Council's. They had wrongly convicted her– the truth came out only a few hours after Ahsoka was removed from the Order, they said, because Barriss Offee confessed to everything. They needed to know where Ahsoka went, but what could you say? She was already gone.

Anakin marched in and got you on the third day. And while it filled you with relief and happiness to see him back and safe, the grief outweighed it all.

You had never seen him so... defeated. He stewed in silent sorrow and anger on the walk back to your apartment. The last place he wanted to be in right now was the Temple. He only spoke to you to ask about what happened.

So you told him, down to your last moments with her. And when you told him what she said, he broke down into tears.

His grief may as well have doused your body with gasoline and lit it aflame. It crushed every single bone in your body to see him like that. You moved to comfort him, rest a hand on his back, hold his head, tell him you were sorry– but with Anakin, his sorrow is never just sorrow.

It is also anger.

He stood and left without a word, and even you felt the uneasiness in the air. Almost like he was changing the weather himself, the birds stopped chirping and the sky darkened.

He came back in the dead of night, sweating and pale and breathless. He had been looking all over the city, but he couldn't find her.

He was so exhausted, he let you wash him up and then get him into bed. And then you held him as he slept, kept awake by the same thought repeating over and over and over in your head.

It was the Jedi's fault.