Give Me Love

chapter twenty four

There was no lonelier feeling than being in love. You realized this as you stood out on the balcony of your room, eyes closed, soaking in the balmy nighttime breeze on your cheeks as you waited.

Logically, you knew you should probably take a shower and get into bed. You were just wasting time staying up and stressing like this, but you couldn't help it. Anakin was off with another girl right now, and you were forced to just live with that knowledge without somehow losing your mind. The only thing you could really do without spiraling into a pit of negative thoughts was to stand out here, listen to the chirping of the night-birds, and breathe in the sweet-smelling air.

So many people had left you and let you down. They were all people that you loved, and now, against all better judgement, you loved Anakin too. You can't even remember when it started, all you knew was that you did, and no matter how much you didn't want to, you couldn't stop. You didn't like to bullshit your feelings or deny them or anything.

You loved Anakin.

But he didn't love you. He couldn't-- not only was he not allowed to, but he probably gave up on even trying after Padme. She was a risk in itself, and it had been a secret that got out to her friends. He knew that because you had told him. And now, he most likely swore off any other attachment like that for good.

You had no chance with him.

So here you were, on the balcony, trying not to crumble under the realization that yet another person you loved was letting you down, and it wasn't even his fault. He didn't even know. No matter how well he thought he knew you, he was missing the one huge important piece that had kept you together through everything-- him.

And it would stay that way.

Your love for him was something you would force to remain a secret, especially from him. Because how could you ask him to try loving another person after Padme? How could you ask him to risk his whole life's purpose for you? How could you make him choose?

It was simple-- you couldn't. He was happy now, and he deserved to remain that way. Even if you had to suffer.

The sound of the door opening quietly and then clicking shut made you open your eyes. You turned around and saw Anakin walk inside, discarding his Jedi belt and lightsaber on a table right by the door. He looked up when he saw you watching.

"How was it?" you asked.

"Peaceful. Relaxing."

You walked into the room so you could see him better, closing the balcony doors and raking in his appearance. His hair was a little messy and his cheeks a little flushed. Such a fucking liar.

"You slut. What did you do."

"Nothing! It was a nice sunset and everything. Very colorful."

"Mhm," you narrowed your eyes. "Okay."

He walked right past you, busying himself by double checking the locks on the balcony doors and then drawing the curtains. "Listen, did you make Corina the medicine?"

Changing the topic, of course.

"Yup."

"And were you going to take a shower?"

"Yeah."

"Okay, you go first. I've gotta call Rex and Ahsoka. Oh, and I'll take the couch so you don't have to worry about sharing the bed."

You crossed your arms in the center of the room, right under the glittering chandelier as you watched him bustle around the room. Now he was leaning against the side of the couch, turning on his comlink and scrolling through the blue projections.