Give Me Love

chapter forty two

You didn't know what to think.

All your life, she'd follow a similar pattern. There was the buildup, where you knew she was angry. She didn't hide it very well, but she kept a hold on it for a while... until she snapped. She'd blow up like a time bomb, scream something nasty, or shove something off a table, or throw something at someone in a blinding rage. And then she'd walk off like she might have regretted it.

Like she had just done now.

But this was not one of those other times-- those other times were over stupid petty things that didn't really matter. This time, she had tried to murder you.

How could she just walk away like nothing?

There was something truly wrong with her. She must be clinically psychotic. There was no other explanation.

Sitting up and brushing the glass from your own skirts seemed liked such a... normal thing to do after everything.

Your mother just tried to murder you.

But now you were just pushing yourself to your feet, blood dripping down your face, and walking out the same door as her.

The sun was going down. The muted mango hues of a shy sunlight marking your way back to your room. You barely felt the warmth of it on your skin as you stepped through it all, beads of blood dripping down your neck, staining your dress, thick droplets splashing onto the floor.

At least your father would know how to find you now.

He would probably finish the job she couldn't get done.

And strangely, you didn't have enough energy to care anymore. Let him-- no one in this whole damn galaxy saw the worth in keeping you around. Not your friends from here, or the friends you made on Coruscant; not Obi-Wan or Ahsoka or even Anakin. Not your mother or father.

You had no one.

You were no one.

You made it back to your room. Laid down on the bed, and curled up on the sheets. Closed your eyes.

Unwanted and worthless. That's all you'd ever been, all you ever would be. Maybe it'd be better if your father just...

You wished for sleep. For anything to make it all go away.

Your head pounded, face sticking to the pillow with blood. Every move you made had your stomach protesting with nausea, the blackest thoughts filling your head with a deep self-loathing as you watched the light in your room turn to shadows, the silence filled with the pitter-patter of rain.

There was a noise at your window. A tapping.

Here it was-- you were going insane, too. If this was another Anakin hallucination...

You squeezed your eyes closed tighter, curled further into a ball, turned away from the window. You didn't want to see his face. You would lose it if you saw everything you were giving up on.

The tapping stopped. You relaxed.

Finally.

And then there was a low, scraping screech, like metal being bent against its will. A thud and a pop, and there was a gust of cold wind and rain against your back.

No, no, no. This felt so real.

You couldn't look. You couldn't give in to it. If you just kept your eyes closed, it would go away...

"Y/n," that damned voice said, and your entire world came crashing down around you. "I thought I told you to be at the lab around this time."

He wasn't real. He wasn't real.